Negative “energy vampires” are not living a life full of happiness and success, yet they will happily drag you down to their level unless you escape their clutches before it is too late!
Use these 5 basic guidelines as an outline that will help to safeguard you from negativity, and will also help you to identify negative people so that you can remove yourself from their sphere of influence.
Once you have internalized not practicing the following unsuccessful habits, you will suddenly start noticing people in your life who consistently practice them on an almost daily basis.
1. No Gossiping
It doesn’t matter how justified you think you are in talking about other people’s perceived shortcomings, doing so will never serve to bring about positive results.
When people do things that you don’t agree with or that you don’t understand, all that demonstrates is that they do not see life in the same way that you see it. It doesn’t it make them a bad person, it just means that their understanding of any given situation is different than yours.
Granted, in many circumstances it may seem painfully obvious that someone could have handled a situation in a more positive manner. However, even if that is the case, rehashing the details with other people will only perpetuate the negativity.
In addition, many people thrive on discourse and chaos, so by participating in negative discussions about others, all you are doing is indirectly giving people permission to continue adding fuel to that fire. When you are seen as a “negative fuel source,” you will invariably find that people will continue stopping by to get a fill-up!
2. No Whining or Complaining
Let me ask you this: Does whining or complaining about any given situation actually do anyone any good whatsoever?
I’m not talking about constructive criticism, learning from our mistakes, or recognizing pitfalls so that we can avoid them in the future. No, I’m talking about when a situation is already clearly less than desirable, yet you continue to talk about how undesirable it is!
When the office thermostat is broken and it is cold as a deep-freeze in your building, will anything be gained by continuing to repeat the obvious? If your spouse or significant other is being (in your opinion) unreasonable, are you going to gain anything by constantly spouting off about how upset you are about the situation?
Complaining accomplishes absolutely nothing other than drawing attention to an already less than favorable set of circumstances. If something is worth complaining about, then it is also worth taking action on. Stop whining, and start taking action, because if you don’t, all of the whiners and complainers will crowd around you in order to get their negativity fix.
3. No Co-Dependency
All of us have friends, family members, or co-workers who bring real-world negative issues to us, and ask for our input. Sometimes they are looking for advice, while other times they just want to “vent”.
In either case, however, pumping up their already negative point of view by agreeing how terrible any given situation is will only serve to cement in their minds how terrible that situation is! In addition, you will be sending them the clear signal that you are willing to be a sounding board for their complaints in the future.
Rather than rallying the forces of negativity in order to combat someone’s issues, instead just provide for them a calming, reassuring voice of reason when their lives are in turmoil. Don’t turn your back on them, but don’t fuel their point of view that they are the “victim” either.
Instead, listen with a compassionate ear while keeping your own feelings in check. You will do them much more of a service by helping them to find a positive spin on their situation rather than becoming a participant in their negativity.
4. No Cross Contamination
It is impossible to swim in a river full of muddy water, yet still be able to get out of that river without a speck of dirt on you. The only way to avoid that dirt – or that negativity – is to refuse to take a dip into that river in the first place.
From an emotional standpoint, it is not possible for you to participate in negativity, and then go back into your positive bubble without dragging some of that negativity in with you.
Most people would say that it is not possible for them to completely avoid negativity, and I would tend to agree. However, just because you are physically present in a situation does not mean that you need to actually participate on an emotional level.
You can be involved in a discussion or in the resolution of a negative situation without allowing your own emotional set point to drop down to a less-than positive level. When life throws negativity at you, stay in the game, but practice equanimity in order to handle the situation without allowing the negative vibrations to affect you on an individual level.
5. No Being “Holier than Thou”
After finding all of these great ways to recognize and avoid negativity, it becomes very easy to think that you are somehow “different” than everyone else. You start to feel “enlightened” and you recognize how a large number of the people in your life are on planes, trains, and automobiles that are all headed in the wrong direction.
Here’s a clue: get a grip on yourself! You are no better, nor any worse than any of those people. Those people are neither better, nor any worse than you.
The only difference between the “enlightened” you and the people who practice negativity is that you see things from a different point of view than they do. It is not appropriate for you to try to force your way of thinking onto those people, and in most cases it is also quite impossible.
By running around life with an attitude that you are somehow better than other people, all you will do is serve to alienate most of the people around you. Then, before you know it, other “holier than thou” individuals will start to flock to your side. Then all you will have accomplished is serving to divide your circle of influence into people who live on the “right” or the “wrong” side of the tracks – from your point of view.
Conclusion: By following guidelines similar to the methods that you just read, and by practicing the fine art of being positive, you will begin to enjoy your life and consciously create it to be whatever it is that you want it to be.
That’s the prize.
However, be advised that these success habits are just that – habits. Only practicing them when it is convenient for you to do so will only bring about positive results in small doses. Consistency is key.
Also, be prepared to burn some bridges in the process. Right now in your life there are probably people who will fade away completely when they realize that you will not be participating in their drama anymore.
The ladder of success is never crowded at the top!
Diogo Chaves says
April 23, 2007 at 11:00 amMan, this is one the the most inspiring topics I´ve read! Congrats!
aaron says
April 23, 2007 at 11:31 amDiogo,
Thanks – glad you enjoyed it!
Grigor says
April 23, 2007 at 12:37 pmAaron,
if we take a closer look, we can see that those are small things which, if repeated, become big. For example, saying that situation is terrible can even be useful, but repeating it endlessly is nothing but annoying. The real problem is that it is very hard to define a border when small becomes big. Therefore, you’re fully right: we should avoid such behavior completely.
Alison Lee says
April 23, 2007 at 12:55 pmHi Aaron
Excellent article on negativity! To be able to detach your emotion from a actual situation that you are directly in is not easy. However, with practice, it is definitely possible.
Attracting good things that you desire in your life starts with being positive and focus on only the things you desire. This is only the beginning…
Alison Lee
https://www.abundanceattracting.com
aaron says
April 23, 2007 at 1:10 pmGrigor,
You are absolutely correct. The acknowledgment of a negative situation is not a bad thing. It is only through contrast that we even know “good” or “bad” when we see it.
However, as you said, it is the repeated focus on the “bad” that doesn’t do us much good.
Great thoughts, Grigor – thanks for sharing!
aaron says
April 23, 2007 at 1:14 pmAlison,
Thanks for your comments! It is often very difficult indeed to detach ourselves emotionally from a situation.
Add to that the fact that whenever we get upset about something – no matter how justified we are in being upset – the negativity that is generated will still simply serve to attract more of the same.
Being positive is a hard lifestyle to maintain at times, but it is definitely worth it!
Karen Lynch says
April 23, 2007 at 3:38 pmExcellent Post! You make some very good points.
I enjoyed it!
aaron says
April 23, 2007 at 5:54 pmThanks, Karen! Glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate the positive feedback.
Andy Schmitt says
April 23, 2007 at 10:19 pmGreat Post Aaron! My wife and I recently realized that there are people out there that just tend to suck the energy right out of you. Avoiding these types of individuals truly put you in a better place!
Stay Positive!
Andy
aaron says
April 23, 2007 at 11:27 pmAndy,
Thanks for the positive comments!
I have always leaned more towards being positive than being negative, but once I realized just how much negativity I was surrounded by, I almost ran for the hills! 🙂
Now I just do my best to deflect or defuse negative situations, and for the most part, I am successful. I’m sure others will be as well when they start to realize that doing so isn’t really that difficult.
Gayla McCord says
April 25, 2007 at 4:43 pmAaron ~
Curious as to what your take is on this:
When a person continuously goes around another (a relative let’s say) and that person is negative all the time and ridicules every chance they get should people –
A. Be the bigger person and ACT like it doesn’t bother them?
or
B. Just stay away altogether and when asked why, should the person be brutally honest?
I’ve been asked this question numerous times through my blended family blog. I was just wondering if my own advice of just staying away altogether was the appropriate or not.
I figured you are likely the best person on the planet to ask that question…
aaron says
April 25, 2007 at 5:37 pmGayla,
Wow – I appreciate your faith in me. I hope my answer lives up to it! 🙂
There is a similar situation in my life surrounding my mother-in-law. She thinks that I walk on water because she is very “old school” about the place of men vs. women in the grand scheme of things. However, when it comes to dealing with other family members, including my wife and step-kids, she is about as negative and energy draining as you could imagine.
My wife used to get very upset about it, as her mother can be understandably infuriating. However, the advice that I gave to her was to just ignore the comments themselves, to redirect her mother away from the negative whenever possible, and to just be honest with her mother that neither her (my wife) nor the kids are willing to be around her when she is being negative.
At first it just got scoffed at and nothing much changed, but as both my wife and the kids
A) Stopped talking to her when she started being negative, and
B) stopped going to see her as often, the situation eventually became much more manageable.
She is an elderly woman and we have no beliefs about actually changing her understandings about life. However, we have helped her to realize that if she wants us to be a part of her life, there are certain things that are simply not allowed, and if the not-allowed behavior presents itself, then we cease participating.
So, it’s not quite the “avoid the person completely” answer, but it’s also not the “just ignore them” answer. Rather, I suggest a hybrid approach of selective listening, appropriate redirection, and if all else fails, exit stage left! 🙂
Hope that helps, Gayla!
Walks the Edge says
April 26, 2007 at 1:12 pmLoved the post, very wise and mature advice. I happened across a post at Craig Harper’s site (April 25) about energy vampires — a different take on it from yours, also interesting — and took the liberty of posting a comment letting him and his readers know about your post. Looks like this is becoming a popular topic. Not surprising given that so many are pushing right now to become more positive forces in the world. Cheers!
aaron says
April 26, 2007 at 1:18 pmThank you very much for spreading the link love about this post – I appreciate that! I saw Craig’s post as well. He is a great writer, and I appreciate you letting his audience know where they can get another look at the same subject. Cheers!
Scott says
May 17, 2007 at 7:22 pmSpot on! Thank you Aaron!
Elke says
May 17, 2007 at 8:18 pmLOV! Fantastic post. Now if only I can remember all that the next time I’m at work. 😉
aaron says
May 17, 2007 at 8:40 pmScott & Elke,
I appreciate the positive feedback!
Believe me, I had the work environment in mind when I wrote this post, so please do take the lessons on the job with you! 🙂
Ruth says
May 18, 2007 at 10:28 amGreat post, very clear and to the point!
I am, generally, a very positive person, but I did recognize my own behaviors in several of the things you posted. (embarrassed grin)
Recognition is the first step to change, so thank you for helping me take that first step.
aaron says
May 18, 2007 at 11:08 amRuth,
I am truly grateful to have been able to help!
Reminders about positive practices never hurt since all of us can fall into negative behavior patterns, and often without even realizing it!
Glad you stopped by, Ruth, and that I could be of assistance. 🙂
Dean says
May 18, 2007 at 3:51 pmHi Aaron,
I love this post. It’s timing is appropriate because my children’s mother is one of the Energy Vampires.
It’s amazing how she can say one thing to representatives of our legal system, then do and/or say something completely different when they are not around. I know this descriptive word about her brings up negative connotations, but ‘hypocrite’ is so very appropriate.
The best part of this whole issue is I’m staying positive among all the negative she slings and it all works out for me.
Take care and keep up the good work.
aaron says
May 18, 2007 at 4:12 pmDean,
You voiced the wisdom of the ages when you said “I”m staying positive”.
As long as you are truly able to stay positive (as opposed to just WANTING to stay positive), you will be fine.
Marital issues are trying, to be sure, especially when there are children involved, but as with all things, MORE negativity will only make the situation worse.
Stick to your guns, Dean, and keep taking the high road. The view is always better from up there! 🙂
Diana says
May 30, 2007 at 3:29 pmBeing surrounded by too much negativity can make a person ill if they don’t detach themselves from it. It happened to me. Although I lost a job it was the best thing for me at the time. That’s where all the negativity was. And instead of detaching, I absorbed that energy and became negative myself. I was so relieved the day I called and was told not to come back.
aaron says
May 30, 2007 at 5:42 pmDiana,
I hear you. I’ve had jobs as well as relationships in the past that in retrospect I see that the environment itself was toxic to varying degrees.
One of the reasons why I write the content that I do is to inform people who might not realize what is going on until they see their situation described, and then they can take the steps to fix it! 🙂
Tom LeDree says
March 13, 2008 at 10:54 amA great take on how to deal with negative people.
I really love the metaphor of swimming in a muddy river and not being able to get out without some mud still on you.
aaron says
March 13, 2008 at 11:05 amThanks, Tom!
Yeah, that one is always a great reminder for me. By actually visualizing it when you are around negative people, it’s even more effective as a motivator for you to get out of there!
Joe says
February 8, 2010 at 12:41 amvery good advice
Dave says
February 18, 2010 at 4:14 amThanks for the concept, I believe this is the best way to handle negativity.
I have said why lose time over the same thing more than once / Like you said if we have learned something great !
If we are just complaining then we have lost more time and energy on the issue (that we say we hate so much)
Keep up the inspiration of being positive : )
Rafall says
June 22, 2010 at 7:06 amIt reminds me of the old saying: “Bad companions ruin good character”