Have you ever heard those people who say that the world revolves around what they want? Here’s a quick tip for you – they were right!
Somewhere along the line in history, human beings have lost track of the very real, very important, very self-centered fact that each of us is 100% responsible for our lives. Our happiness/sadness, wealth/poverty, vitality/ill health, opportunity/despondency – and any other polar opposites that you can imagine – are the responsible of exactly one person, and that is you.
No matter what your circumstances are in life, there is a way for you to create happiness and success out of those circumstances, because when all is said and done, one of the truths of existence is that each and and every one of us is the center of our own universe. Our thoughts, feelings, and actions create the very axis on which our entire existence spins, and that process is 100% within our control.
Yes, yes – I can hear your “insert excuse here” arguments already:
I was born this way, so I don’t have a choice. – How you were born or raised is completely irrelevant. As Jack Canfield says, “That’s the ‘so what’. The ‘what’ is what now?” You can live in the past, or you can create the future.
This health condition runs in my family. – For one, that doesn’t mean that you can’t take every conceivable step to ensure maximum health despite that condition. For two, that doesn’t mean that you can’t consciously will better health into your life. For three, that health condition is a circumstance of your life, not the definition of your life. Realize the difference and quit whining about it.
Other people are involved in whether or not this can happen. – No, you allow other people to be involved in whether or not something can happen. People only effect our lives to the extent that we allow them to affect our lives. No matter how much you perceive someone else as being a positive or a negative part of your life, their impact on your life is totally in your control. If someone else is making your life miserable, you’ve got no one to thank for it but yourself.
It’s out of my control. – In other words, you aren’t willing to take responsibility for it. Henry Ford used to tell his employees not to bring him problems, but instead to bring him solutions. If something is “out of your control,” all that means is that you haven’t found a way to take control of it. If you are not willing to find that way, then you’re right – it IS out of your control. How does that make you feel?
Whatever other excuses you can come up with, they all boil down to exactly the same thing:
That word “victim” is funny to me, because I think it should actually be elongated in order to more clearly demonstrate what being a “victim” is all about. Perhaps a vote on a better definition?
- Willing Participate
- Drama Lover
- Negativity Junkie
- Responsibility Avoider
- Blind Follower
- Commitment Challenged
- Selectively Ignorant
Oh, the list could go on and on, and no matter how long the list got, every phrase would describe the very same fact:
There are people who believe in and consistently act upon their ability to create wonderful lives for themselves, and there are people who realize how much easier it is to play the victim card, thus avoiding any real responsibility for their own happiness.
On that same note, there are people who will read this, and become empowered, and there are people who will immediately start coming up with reasons excuses about how these concepts don’t apply to their lives because ________________ (insert lame excuse here).
Do yourself a favor and ask yourself which type of person you are. Then do yourself an even bigger favor and give yourself an honest answer to that question.
If you’ve been a blind, drama-loving, commitment-challenged, selectively-ignorant, negatively-charged, willing avoider of responsibility, then just ask yourself one more question:
How’s that been working out for you?
“You either create the life that you want to be living, or you continue to allow yourself to be a victim.”
This is powerful stuff, Aaron. Unfortunately, most people struggle with figuring out what they really want from life.
That’s the 1st step in this process. After you’ve got that part down, you have to take responsibility for getting there.
Maria,
Thanks for the comment, and it’s funny you should say that because I actually just went through a lot of thinking in that regard myself. With a potential (and desired) move on the horizon, I have been working on deciding which direction to go. Now that I have decided, it’s crystal clear what I have to do to make it happen.
That being said, when writing this post, I was thinking more about people who have things in their life that they already know that they don’t want, yet they continue to let those things hold them back from happiness.
I was also thinking of people who have a goal or a task that they want to accomplish, and even if that goal or task is not some huge lifetime decision, it is still something that they want, yet they continue to let other people hold them back from achieving it.
There is just no excuse for that behavior! 🙂
You can also consider an alternate lens of looking at somebody’s life – a person is NEVER in control of their life, EVER.
You learn all of your social behaviors from your social contexts (your environments), which dictate how you’re going to think, what you say, and what you do. If you suddenly decide that you’re life is “in your power”, you only learned a new social role from a new social environment. Nothing is 100% completely in your hands; in fact, your life is NEVER in your control, at all. It’s always up to your contexts and environments. New thoughts and new viewpoints are just the byproducts of new contexts and new environments.
That’s the sociological view of human behavior; it’s highly fascinating, but highly dismissed in the personal development world. 😛 Starkly contrasts with what you say, but it’s fun to entertain and think about!
Matt,
As alternative viewpoints go, that is an awesome point to ponder! If all we ever do is make decisions based on what we know, and all we know is based on decisions that we’ve made in the past, and we make decisions based on what we know…
It’s the fire feeding the flame, ya know?
Well, from what I know right now, I choose to HAVE control over my life, and if that attitude is merely the by-product of the life that I’ve led so far, I’ll take that! 😉
Thanks for the great comment, Matt!
Do you know why your life sucks, and is boring and why you keep on wishing you were that other person who is doing so well?
While others are busy involving themselves painting their own walls, you are standing there every minute admiring how beautiful their walls keep becoming by the minute. Stop doing do, get your own brush and start painting your own wall. You will soon find the idlers, just like you were, gathering around admiring your own wall.
Get Up and LIVE!!!
Fred.
Fred,
Yep – exactly! The grass is always greener on the other side because we SEE it as greener on the other side. We’ve all got our own walls to paint, and the people who create wonderful lives for themselves (or colorful walls) are the same people who have a crowd around them, and the crowd is always wondering how to get what the wall painters have.
Or, alternatively, some of the people in the crowd may be perfectly happy to just watch other people paint, and that’s cool, too. However, for those who want more than their lives are presently giving them, the lesson to be learned is that it is US that gives to our lives, not the other way around.
Thanks for your comment, Fred!
“Do yourself a favor and ask yourself which type of person you are. Then do yourself an even bigger favor and give yourself an honest answer to that question.”
Now that is one heck of a favor. I can totally agree that my life hasn’t been working out perfectly for me. An honest answer might just be the key to breaking free from being “a blind, drama-loving, commitment-challenged, selectively-ignorant, negatively-charged, willing avoider of responsibility.”
Thanks Aaron 🙂
Christopher,
Absolutely ecstatic to have helped in any way, and if this post inspired you to be honest with yourself and start working towards your idea of perfection, then I am happy to have been part of that process! 🙂
Thanks for the comment, Christopher!
Right on Aaron!
There are a ton of platitudes on this subject, most of which fall on deaf ears. USUALLY a person has to face some crises in their lives in order to make needed changes. Recovering alcoholics and addicts are only too familiar with this, as are many who have found deep-seated faith in God.
I am both a minister and a recovered alcoholic. I speak from both personal and observed experience.
But once people realize that something isn’t working well for them, the door is opened for the dramatic change in their attitude that will lead to happier (not necessarily more prosperous) lives.
And no, this isn’t about learning to be happy about being kicked to the curb. This is about standing back up, dusting yourself off and hitch-hiking away from that curb, never to accept defeat again.
So, let me salute you for this excellent post and encourage you to post more along the same vein.
Bill,
I had to shorten up your comment a bit because it was really long, but I wanted to thank you for it just the same – you added a lot of value to the conversation.
And yes, you are right – the platitudes run rampant. The world has become so caught up in being politically correct that people have forgotten that – as you indicated – sometimes you just need to get up, dust yourself off, take responsibility, and then decide how things will be from now on.
Often times a crisis is indeed the catalyst for positive change, although at the same I encourage people to NOT wait until something bad happens. If you do, then the entire lifestyle improvement process is built from a negative point, rather than a positive point.