At some point in the past, you decided that you wanted to start making some positive changes in your life.
Maybe you were overweight, maybe you were broke, maybe you were in a dead-end job, maybe you wanted a satisfying relationship, or maybe you simply wanted a change of pace.
Well, the time since you made that decision has now come and gone, and it is now time ask the question:
What significant and consistent changes have you made to your lifestyle since then?
Oh sure, you started off with a head full of steam, and for a week or two, you were so dedicated to your cause that the universe itself was rearranging the order of things in order for you to achieve success.
However, after all this time, things still aren’t exactly where you want them to be. You’re still not at your ideal weight, you’re still not financially independent, you still don’t have a job that you love, and in fact, your life really hasn’t changed very much at all since you first started this quest for success!
How is that possible? It’s been 3, 6, maybe even 9 months or more since you first decided to start effecting some positive and lasting changes in your life, yet after all this time, your life really hasn’t changed all that much!
And therein lies the problem.
Your life is not significantly different than it was before because your life is not significantly different than it was before!
No, you are not seeing double. You have not yet achieved the success that you are striving for because you have not significantly and consistently done things differently than you have done them in the past.
Now, the reason why this post is called ‘Does your Personal Development Program involve Giving Something Up?‘ is because for many people, their lack of success is not due to a lack of effort, but rather due to a lack of sacrifice.
They are working and struggling towards whatever their individual goals are, and they have made some forward progress. However, their baggage from the past is slowing them down because they haven’t yet been willing to let go of it!
- If your goal is to lose weight, and you start going to the gym everyday and working out properly, you will start to make some progress. However, if you don’t give up your habit of eating unhealthy foods in large quantities, your time at the gym is only going to shave off a certain amount of bodyfat. You need to let go of unhealthy eating habits if you ever want to make startling and sustainable progress.
- If your goal is to become financially independent, and you start finding multiple streams of income in order to build your cash-crop, you’ll be on the right track. However, if you maintain your habit of living beyond your means, or failing to follow through on long-term financial strategies, you will have a difficult time amassing any serious amount of wealth.
- If your goal is to have a satisfying relationship, and you start that process by promising not to “settle” for second best anymore, then you will feel empowered, your confidence will soar, and you’ll be on your way. However, if you fail to address and consistently modify your own shortcomings that have been part of your failed relationships in the past, what do you think the chances are that a future relationship is going to be any different?
These are just some random examples of the type of sacrifices that people in those situations might need to make. I’m sure you have your own story that loosely fits into that outline, and like the examples given, the solution is for you to significantly and consistently modify your lifestyle. You need to start acting like the type of person who deserves the success that you are after.
SPECIAL NOTE:
Just making significant OR consistent efforts is not good enough – you must do both!
- Making a significant change in your life will only bring about temporary results. If you do not keep up that significant change over the long-term, your results will quickly fade away.
- If you make a consistent effort, but it is not significant enough to effect the changes that you want, then making that effort consistently will not do you much good. Consistently doing something ineffective will only bring about consistently ineffective results.
So, armed as you now are with all of the information from this post, refer back once again to the title:
‘Does your Personal Development Program involve Giving Something Up?‘
If you’ve been working hard to achieve success, but don’t yet have it, take a moment to turn around and look behind you. There is a good chance that you are dragging around some baggage from the past that needs to be cut loose!
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Hey Aaron,
What you have described, I call it misalignment of a persons conscious and unconscious mind. On one hand, a person is working hard towards his goal but on the other hand, he is sub-consciously sabotaging himself.
Sub-conscious thinking tends to surface as actions we take or do. In your example, the “habit of eating unhealthy foods in large quantities” is sub-conscious thinking “I need the food” Or “I cannot be that slim” and it translates to action, hence the eating habit.
I proposed and advocate breaking the chain by abandoning old beliefs and allowing oneself to believe in your dream/goal. 🙂
Aaron:
You nailed it right on the nose with this one. My heart was pounding and my stomach was churning becuase I saw the truth behind your article – I started on a weight reduction program back in November and after consistent, hard, focused work, I lost 20 lbs.
Then I let it all go and now I’ve re-gained weight again. I haven’t been consistent with eating properly like I did for six months. Now I know I have to start over again.
You really hit it perfectly. Thanks.
Stephen Hopson
James,
I’m with you all the way! It is indeed the subconscious beliefs that tend to undermine our success, and reprogramming those beliefs is an integral part of any personal development program.
Although there are a bunch of methods for doing so, my personal favorite is to just pick up a good habit by repeatedly doing it. When a person has spent 30 straight days doing what needs to be done, their subconscious starts to believe that this new behavior must be the new “norm”.
As powerful as the subconscious mind is, it can also easily be controlled IF a consistent effort is made to do so.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, James!
Stephen,
One of the reasons why I think the blogosphere is such a success is because everyone needs reminders from time to time about the practices that are in their best interest. I frequently re-read my notes and my own blog posts in order to stay on track, and I read other people’s blogs on a daily basis for the same reason.
One thing that you already have going for you, Stephen, is that you KNOW that the weight loss is possible. You’ve done it before, so you know for a fact that you can do it again. I have no doubt that I’ll be hearing from you soon with a report that you are slimming back down again! 🙂
Thanks for sharing your personal story about the need for consistency, Stephen!
Aaron. I think you’ve touched a nerve here. So many people I meet seem to want their personal growth to come without sacrifice, without letting go. In my experience it just doesn’t work that way. The ultimate example of letting go for personal growth is what some call the “Shaman’s death” shedding the ego completely to align with your higher self. Most of us aren’t going to go to that extreme, but as we grow and expand there must be a releasing. Without the letting go there is no room for expansion.
And while I absolutely agree with you that the work needs to be consistent I’m not convinced that it needs to be significant in the sense of large or life changing. I’m of the believe that consistent small, incremental changes are far more effective than short-term large changes that don’t stick.
Edward,
You are a man of much wisdom – thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Yes, society in general does have a belief that change can come about without letting go of certain things, and I think that is one of the reasons why the search for answers is still so hot and heavy. People think that a book or a program is the answer, and although the book or program might point them in the right direction, the changes need to be internal.
As far as the comparison between significant changes versus incremental changes over the long-term, I do agree that incremental changes consistently applied would be a recipe for success.
I guess my years as a personal trainer sometimes come through in my writing because everyone always wanted it right now, and a lack of immediate results tended to cause people to fall off the wagon before a healthy lifestyle became a habit.
I still believe that “faster is better” when it comes to seeing results in your life, although I will 100% agree that consistent incremental changes will also get you there, just maybe not as quickly, depending on the circumstances.
Again, thanks for sharing your thoughts, Edward!
Aaron, we tend to think in terms getting more and more stuff. In terms of personal development, it’s how can I get more information, what book can I read, even what more can I do to make this happen, what affirmations can I say. All of this to change, most of the time what it takes is letting go of all of it to even figure out a direction.
Letting go is a risky endeavor though, and in our society it is often viewed as giving up. Giving away things or downgrading is not the socially acceptable way, but it is a very satisfying way.
In Spirit,
Nneka
Nneka,
You are right, and thanks for sharing that unique view on this concept. Letting things go is NOT giving up, but I’m sure that some people would think that, especially if the habit or trait that they need to drop has been with them for a long time.
It’s not giving up, though – it’s letting go. Thank you for pointing out that distinction, Nneka!
Morning, Aaron;
Great post! I particularly enjoyed your comment in response to a reader, ie. that one of the great things about the blogosphere is that by reading what other people write, it helps keep us on track in our own lives. So true! It also helps us feel and stay connected, a big part of following any path…although we must each walk our paths alone, it is heartening to think others are struggling with and overcoming the same challenges, and enjoying similar personal rewards!
Have a great day,
Shauna
Shauna,
Thanks for stopping by, and I appreciate the positive feedback. I love what you said about knowing that other people are struggling with and overcoming some of the same issues that we are dealing with – so true! Some of the best blog posts are the ones that detail how someone came upon a roadblock, and then used the power of what they have learned in the blogosphere or in other areas of their lives to overcome it.
Great stuff!! 🙂
Agreed, make a full-on effort or make no effort at all 🙂 Our best life awaits us!
Bang on Aaron, as always.
As difficult a decision as it was, I have had to give up my marriage to live my growth.
I could feel the stagnant energy, and the space between us because I was on a path and my husband wasn’t.
It’s the hardest thing in a relationship – when one of you is growing and the other isn’t.
But our paths had diverged so much, we weren’t even walking up the same mountain anymore.
I was ready to continue changing, he didn’t want to…
(Incidentally, this means the 10,000 fists challenge I put myself down for doesn’t apply any longer…)
Much joy,
KL
Aaron. I agree that faster can be better at first. And sometimes there is a bit of “beginner’s luck” at work in the Universe, giving us a taste of what is possible when we jump into personal development. But ultimately, I think that sustainable growth is the key to long-lasting, continuous change.
Kara-Leah,
I have both advised people on, as well as lived the act of giving up or changing past relationships because the people involved were heading in different directions.
My first (ancient) instinct when I read your comment was to say “I’m sorry about your marriage”. However, if someone is successfully walking their path, that is nothing to be sorry about, even if it meant making some hard choices in order to get to that point.
My thoughts are with you as well as anyone else who is dealing with the “hard” part of moving forward in life, but I also know that the road will lead where you truly want it to lead. And for that, I am happy. 🙂
p.s. – As far as challenges, I think you just hurdled one!!
Hey Aaron,
That’s exactly it – when people say they’re sorry, I just say there’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s the right choice, the right path. Separating is not a bad thing – which doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and there’s no heart ache…
Just an understanding and acceptance of what is.
So THANK YOU for being happy! That’s what I want to hear.
I’ve actually avoided well-meaning friends over this period because their perception of my experience is so different from what I’m actually going through…
Edward,
As big of a fan as I am of radical, “in your face” type of lifestyle changes, I will certainly concede that whether someone opts for the radical route, or the sustained route, consistency is key for both of those individuals.
Big props to you for continuing to emphasize the importance of that!
Kara-Leah,
I’m happy to be happy FOR you, and I empathize with your situation at the same time. Sometimes getting started down a new path is like a rocket taking off from the earth. It’s amazingly difficult at first, but once you’re in orbit, it’s smooth sailing! 🙂
As far as avoiding people who don’t have the same understanding as you, I’m with you on that. I rarely inform my friends and family of major events in my life until after the “hoopla” has died down.
People asking “What are you going to do?”, “How do you feel?”, “How does this affect your plans for {whatever}?” – they all mean well. However, someone’s path is their path alone, and sometimes it is best to avoid the spotlight until the show is over. 😉
That is great advice – and now I don’t feel bad or guilty about doing just that…