Did you ever have a learning experience after a major change in your life that made you realize you could have learned that same lesson without having gone through the major change?
Obviously the change was a necessary catalyst for the lesson, but it still gives you the opportunity to slap yourself in the forehead and say, “I could have learned this years ago!”.
After moving to Port Orange, FL this past weekend, I’ve had several of those moments. In an effort to keep you from needing to bop yourself in the head over similar lessons, I’ll share what I have learned over the past few days.
1) You don’t realize how much your surroundings are a part of your state of mind until you experience the contrast of going through your daily routine in a strange environment.
There were a lot of things about my previous daily routine that were not “ideal,” and as I got ready to move, I certainly looked forward to making some positive changes in that regard. However, when it came down to unloading the last box and saying a final goodbye to my previous lifestyle, I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I was all alone in a brand-new world.
Logistically I was prepared for that, but this was the first time in many years that I was going to be geographically cut off from the environment and the people that I had grown so accustomed to having as part of my life. It was a bit scary, to be honest, and more than just a little sad.
The Lesson: Don’t take your surroundings and your circle of influence for granted. If you don’t enjoy certain aspects of your life, then get out of your comfort zone for awhile so you can experience the contrast of what your life looks like from a different point of view. Make a list of everything and everyone that is part of your daily routine, and then take 2 or 3 days and remove it all. Leave town if you have to. While trying not to have any ties to your “previous life,” you might be surprised how much your normal surroundings and the people around you were part of your security and comfort level.
2) Try being healthy in a way that you normally wouldn’t – you might like it!
I used to be a personal trainer, so I am certainly familiar with the ins and outs of proper diet and exercise habits. Whenever I am doing something healthy or unhealthy, I am always acutely aware of it.
Nonetheless, like anyone else, I have certain routines that I tend to stick to, even if they aren’t the most healthy habits in the world. Two of my vices are coffee and diet soda. I don’t take the sugared version of either one, but instead opt for using flavored creamer and Splenda for my coffee, and whatever chemically-stuffed ingredients are in the diet soda that I buy. I know those habits aren’t good for me, but I do them anyway.
Well, grocery shopping still hasn’t happened since the move, so although I have coffee and coffee creamer, I do not have any Splenda or any diet soda yet. Imagine my surprise when I realized that my coffee was just as good with only the creamer in it, and in less than 3 days of drinking water, I have almost completely curbed my desire to drink soda of any kind.
The Lesson: Healthy habits don’t just look good on paper! Even if you may have resistance to healthy habits as part of your normal routine, just give yourself a few days of doing things in a manner different than what you are used to. Who knows? You might even end up with radically fewer chemicals in your system every day like I did!
3) If you push yourself to the limit, no matter how much it hurts, you’ll be glad you did it.
One of the reasons why I moved to Port Orange is because of its proximity to the Atlantic Ocean. I love the beach and the energy that is always available at the water’s edge, so getting over to the coast was one of the first things that I did once the boxes were all unloaded.
There is a causeway that separates the “mainland” from the peninsula where the actual coastline is, and that causeway is about a mile and a half from my house. It was a beautiful, sunny day, so I hopped on my bike and away I went.
Well, in addition to being beautiful and sunny, it was also very windy, and the causeway itself is a fairly steep incline – probably at least 30-degrees up or more, and about a quarter of a mile from the bottom to the top. Now, between the recent launching of PDP, and the administrative issues of finding and securing the house that I moved into, it has been about 3 weeks since I have gotten any consistent cardiovascular exercise. Let me tell you that getting up that causeway was literally the hardest physical thing that I can remember doing in years!
I wasn’t wearing my heart rate monitor, so I don’t know what my beats per minute were, but I can tell you that I was well outside of the safety zone! However, in addition to the incredible view of the ocean and the beach that I had as soon as I got to the top of the causeway, the sense of accomplishment that I felt was unbelievable. I felt like I was on top of the world, and that it was all downhill from there!
The Lesson: Don’t wait until you find yourself in an unexpectedly difficult situation to push yourself to the limits. Find ways to take it to the max – every day if you can. Not only will you feel wonderful for having made the effort, but your confidence in what you are capable of will grow by leaps and bounds!
4) You really don’t need all of that junk
This move for me was to a location that was only about 90 minutes south of where I was before, so the physical part of the move was actually done in chunks. In fact, some of my stuff is still back where I used to live because it just wasn’t a priority to get it moved right away.
During the process of moving everything that I own over the course of several different trips, I had to make some hard decisions about what needed to stay or go on any given trip, and what could be left behind for the final low priority trip later on.
Imagine my surprise when I realized that almost 90% of the things that I owned were really not that important to me!
With the exception of my computer, my clothes, the minimum necessary furnishings, and a few other necessary or high priority items, almost everything I own is not used on a daily basis.
Sure, I like having a TV, I would cry if something happened to my iPod, and there are many things that have sentimental value for me. However, most of my belongings are just things that I use because they are there. I have very little attachment to them, nor a strong desire to keep them close to me. Even as I type this, there are things in the garage that I could bring into the house, but I’m simply not in a very big hurry to do so!
The Lesson: Don’t be too attached to the material possessions in your life. Ask yourself how many of the things that you own are actually important to you. If they aren’t, then why not clear out the physical and the mental clutter by getting rid of them?
5) True friendship will show itself when needed.
I saved this one for last because I felt it was the most important thought for you to be left with.
As I went through the process of planning for and preparing for this move, to say that my life was chaotic would not even begin to cover it. Between the work that I do o
nline, and the logistics that went into this entire process, I have been running crazy for months.
Through it all, there was one person who bent over backwards for me on every occasion, although at the same time she maintained her own integrity by not bending so far that she didn’t tend to her own needs in the process.
I am an active social person, and I have a lot of friends from all over the U.S., most of whom I see at least semi-frequently during annual get-togethers that we have planned. However, I could count the people who would do for me what this person did on less than one hand.
The person in question knows who she is, so I won’t call her out by name, except of course to say Thank You for all that you did! I’m quite sure I haven’t expressed that sentiment as much as I should have.
The Lesson: You may have an address book full of names, a contact list a mile long, or even a database of the hundreds of people that you know all over the world, and that is a wonderful thing. However, how many fingers and toes would it take for you to count the number of people who would truly jump through fire for you? Once you have that figure, pick up the phone and call them right now just to say “Thanks for being my friend”.
As I indicated at the beginning of this post, each of these lessons can be learned without having to actually go through major changes in your life. Just stop the presses long enough to actually look around and take stock of your life. Then start doing whatever it takes to live your life to the fullest, constantly pushing yourself to achieve bigger and better levels of success, happiness, and fulfillment!
This is really great. Coincidentally, I’m moving in a few days and I found myself agreeing with almost everything. I don’t agree with everything in your blog (not that it matters) but I liked this one.
Fili,
As soon as everyone starts agreeing with every word that I say, it may be time to start a new career… 😉
Gee, I would love a good helping hand if I do ever move. Congrats on the move, Aaron! A new chapter…
Cheers,
Ellesse
Thank you, Ellesse! And yes, the helping hand is an important part of the process.
I am one of those people who tends to be very self-sufficient, so to have me say that someone was an integral part of my success is high praise! 🙂
Hi Aaron,
This is a great post with lots of good thoughts. I must admit that I laughed at the 30 degree incline of the causeway. The steepest incline on the interstate highway system is 7 degrees, and that’s plenty steep! At 30 degrees you were climbing on all fours with the bike strapped to your back! No wonder you were winded!! 🙂
Mike
Well done on the move Aaron. As an Aussie who has just in the past 3 months packed up his life and moved to Canada I appreciate all these points. Oh, and I’m a bit jealous of the fact you will be so close the beach :).
Mike,
It’s funny you should say that because I FELT like crawling, and I was oh-so tempted to get off the bike and walk it, but I never did.
Also, I used to live in Orange Park, just south of Jacksonville, and you’d be lucky to find even a 7-degree hill there, so I’m used to the flatlands, too! 😉
Peter,
Wow, that’s a serious move! I don’t doubt that you went through some similar things, because for you there was certainly no going back for something that you forgot. You couldn’t have moved much farther than you did!
As far as being close to the beach, believe me, that was by design! I’ve lived in Florida for more than 5 years, but I’ve always been at least a 45-minute car ride from the beach. Now, it’s less than 2 miles away. Except for that causeway, of course… 😉
AARON– nice article and great point about pushing yourself to the limit. It hurts now, but the benefits later on can be tremendous…
Todd,
Thank you so much for the positive feedback!
Staying focused on the “later on” benefits of whatever it is that we are doing is the key to staying motivated enough to do them – no matter how much it hurts!
Nice post. Oddly, I’m moving to Toronto from the U.S. soon and share many of those ideals, such as viewing change as a positive catalyst, endorsing minimalist living, and a healthy lifestyle. It’s hard to strike that balance you suggest between old friends and new, though.
Nice article. Was thinking about this earlier in the summer. It’s definitely something everyone needs to consider sometime in their life. Glad to hear you were able to adjust.
I couldnt agree more. I just recently moved to San Diego, CA from Houston, TX. It’s been a struggle, so to get used to and so much that is missed.
Hi Aaron,
A friend sent met this link and I truly find it very helpful…and true. I just recently got my own apartment after a painful breakup. It’s probably one
of the toughest times in my life, but, like you, I learned about personal growth..and I’m still a work in progress.
The two things I most I agree on, from my personal experience, is pushing yourself to the limit and the true friendships I discovered. While in the relationship, I was very well in my comfort zone and didn’t push myself as I should, may it be personally and professionally. Now, that I’m on my own, I truly realized that I have no one else, but myself. I resisted change, but now, I’m slowly accepting it.
I also found some true friendships with people that I wouldn’t even have thought I would be close with from the start. I kept my feelings guarded before, but when the breakup happened, I was opening up more and more. I found that expressing your feelings isn’t a sign of weakness, but as a necessity. I was actually surprised they didn’t laugh or belittle me, but offered unconditional support that I will be forever thankful for.
It’s only been a couple of months, but I am finding ways to experience the world and discover
new things about myself. I’m truly blessed to have my friends there for me, but it’s really all up
to me to pick up the pieces and move on.
Keep inspiring others..we all need it. =)
Seven years ago I moved to an island to semi-retire, and write the great American Novel.
Nearly everything I planned had to be “re-mapped” to a rearrangment of priorites imposed by my new circumstances. So much for planning. It was a difficult experience – one certainly I’d have not undertaken with present knowledge.
Was it worth it? Yes – to the person I was compelled to become, but it was a displacement.
The first victim of intentioned change is perspective.
@Jason – The easiest way to strike the balance between old friends and new is to not burn any bridges. I may not be right around the corner from my previous circle of friends, but we are still friends. That fact helps to keep the melancholy down to a minimum. 🙂
@Panther – The adjustment is an on-going process, but it IS happening!
@Jahon – I hear you. On one hand you are nothing less than homesick for your previous surroundings, but on the other, you are surrounded by a whole new world to explore. I suggest focusing on the “explore” part. That’s what I’ve been doing, and not only has it helped, but I’m getting a lot of exercise in the process!
@Lifeseeker – This quote is priceless:
That is a very true statement. You can plan all day long, but you won’t really know what that implementation will look like and feel like until you get there and start doing it. Thanks for sharing that.
such a small world. i live in Port Orange too! and my name is Aaron! and I saw this article on Digg! wow. i night walk the bridge alot to beach side during the winter. i’ve biked it once or twice in the past and yep it’s a doozy. feel free to contact me on myspace and i’ll be glad to be your online guide around town. stay healthy!
@ Aaron,
Aaron,
Thank you.
I am an inveterate planner, maintaining written, dated, and specific
goals for every major objective. Yet, quixotically, I had no idea
what I was getting into with this last move. It involved leaving a
high-paying, secure job in mid-life for an island, dragging my family
away from everything dear like Harrison Ford in Mosquito Coast.
I was compelled to develop my own company from scratch, after having
lost almost a million in the stock market crash. My health declined
as a consequence, and then, after four years I said, “That’s
enough.” I quit alcohol, smoking, put myself on a strict daily
exercise program (exercising EVERY day), and lost 40 lbs., and my
business went through the roof (largest international Grand Format
equipment brokerage in the world now).
It can be done, but “Man, it can kill you …..also.”
As a friend remarked a few years back, “You are either cause, or
effect.”
SP
Aaron,
Wow – it IS a small world! Howdy, neighbor!
Yep, that bridge is something else. I biked it again today, and came back across it a few hours later. My legs are screaming for mercy!
I’ll definitely swing by your MySpace page and check you out. Thanks for popping in to greet a fellow Port Orange local, Aaron! 🙂
SP,
Wow, that’s quite a story! I’m sure living it was an experience with highs and lows that aren’t easily described after the fact.
Big props to you for taking control and turning it all around. It just goes to show that success is something that can be attained by all who do what it takes and who refuse to accept defeat. I know that sounds cliche, but I can’t think of a better way to describe it.
Congratulations on the massive success of your equipment brokerage, SP, and on a more general level, for becoming the person that you needed to become in order to succeed. My hat is off to you!
R,
It sounds like you paid attention to the lessons that the experience held for you, and you’ll be a better person for it; of that I have no doubt.
You sum it all up beautifully in this one quote:
I’m truly blessed to have my friends there for me, but it’s really all up to me to pick up the pieces and move on.
Wise words, spoken from someone who walked the path needed to speak them. Keep on truckin’, R. 🙂
I moved from a 13 room house to a small two bedroom apartment a few years ago.
Why people do not end up in a psychiatric ward after a move is beyond me.
For one thing, I had stored all my kids stuff from kindergarten – guarded every item like gold.
When I moved, I said, “Come over and get all your memories.” There were hundreds.
They each took two things.
What is the message? DON’T SAVE THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE. DON’T EVEN SAVE THINGS FOR YOURSELF.
If you need something later, go buy it. This excludes priceless antiques and art work. It does include cheap glass vases that came with flowers for your birthday ten years ago.
Most of the things we save are JUNK like that.
When we die, someone will throw everything in a dumpster to get our place ready for sale.
DO IT NOW FOR YOUR SELF. Then, if you do have to move, you’ll be able to do it in a small Uhaul. It’s called making your life simpler.
Corinne,
You nailed the concept beautifully – make your life simpler.
Not only does it make your physical world easier to deal with, but it also helps you to feel more mentally focused on your life when you aren’t surrounded by extraneous material possessions.
As far as going from a 13-room house to a 2-BR apartment – I can only imagine how much simplifying you had to do in order to make that happen! 🙂
Hey, thanks for writing this.. It means so much coz I just move to the Caribbean about 3 months ago. I was living in Miam for about 2 yrs. And boy, it was not till I start to pack and think about leaving it all behind, I did have a great bunch of friends and I enjoyed it much.. Now that I am here, I am all greatful for the experience..
🙂
Great article. I personally was touched with 4. I moved from Ottawa Canada, to the Orlando area. To make a very long (and still continuing) story short, I have been without my personal effects save a couple f suitcases. My entire household is in storage and has remained there for over a year. I had to scrounge, and refurnish to make my place liveable. Not wanting to buy things that I already have, I have made usage of Goodwill and Craigslist. The experience I can echo, is rather life changing, and your outlook certainly changes. Thanks for the writeup, it brought a smile to my lips.
Mathew
Alvyn,
I’m sure that was quite the change of pace once you left the “mainland” behind. I actually considered going to the Caribbean, but the employment/geography changes needed to make it happen would have meant taking an extended leave of absence away from this website and PDP, and I was not willing to do that.
You’ve got your head in the right place being grateful for your experience, Alvyn, and I’m sure that you’ve got the chance for many new experiences where you are now. Enjoy it! 🙂
Matthew,
I’m glad that you enjoyed the post so much, and you can obviously speak with some authority on what it is like to leave behind the material constraints! I’ve “rebuilt” my material possessions in the past, and it can be quite the experience, especially if you don’t want to spend a bunch of money.
On the other hand, trying to cut those corners certainly means that you need to be creative and flexibility, and that is certainly not a bad thing!
On a different note, I bet you are loving the fact that you live in the Orlando area at this time of year compared to being way up north in Canada! 😉
Another late comment but I just discovered this site (through digg.com).
I wanted to say something about #1, leaving your comfort zone. Don’t misunderstand this as “player” advice because it isn’t. If something is not going as you want it to go, always take a look at how your keeping yourself in your comfort zone might contribute to this. Let’s say can’t find a girl and you just seem to be destined to be alone forever. Possibly you never took the chance to start talking to a girl waiting next to you on the bus, because you were afraid for what she might think of you. What you need to do is go beyond your comfort zone and start talking! Practice. If you’ve seen the movie “the 40 year old virgin” you’ll notice that the way he finds his partner is by doing things he wouldn’t normally have done. If you keep doing what you’ll always do you’ll keep getting what you always got.
Seducer,
You are absolutely right, and this bit that you shared is something that I have talked about many times on this site:
Stepping outside of the comfort zone – even if you get shot down – is a learning experience that at least adds to your confidence, if not actually landing you what you desire.
Thanks for the great comment!
Good insights! Realize that how you do one thing is how you do everything and then look to see where this programming of yours is coming from.
Thanks, Tony – glad that you enjoyed the post!
I am truly grateful I discovered your post and and everything that is around here. Your way of thinking just resonates with me, and even if some of the things have happened to me in time, I can safely say that I needed a reminder. I moved from Ohio to Boston and I was scared out of my wits at the beginning. Leaving all of my friends behind, having to leave so many things that I had gotten used to when the boston storage car came, but in the end it was one of the best things I ever did. Thank you for sharing your life and views, it's much appreciated.