Enjoying your life is simply a matter of the way that you feel. There is a common belief that happiness comes about as a result of having certain things (money, material goods, relationships, etc.), but in all actuality, whether or not you are enjoying your life has always boiled down to the simple question of how you feel about your life.
No amount of of money will help you to enjoy life if you are miserable on the inside. No relationship will define or complete you when a relationship – by definition – involves two or more people. No cache of toys and treasures will make you happy if you believe that you must have toys and treasures to be happy.
Bob over at Every, Every Minute started The Desiderata Project where bloggers choose a passage from Desiderata and expand upon the concept in a blog post. I chose the following passage as a reminder that enjoying the actual journey of life is more important than not having happiness until that journey has been completed:
“Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.”
In order to provide a simple formula that people can use on a daily basis to enjoy their lives rather than constantly focusing on the future, I have used the acronym S.T.O.P.
S – Stop
There is a simple truth of the human existence, and that is that most people simply do not take the time to STOP and think about all of the things that they have in their lives to be grateful for, and they also do not pat themselves on the back for having those things as a result of their own efforts.
You can completely discount things like fancy cars, tropical vacations, beautiful homes, and trinkets and baubles. Try being grateful for the basics before you start worrying about a higher level.
Do you have a roof over your head? Are you able to read and communicate with others? Do you have enough food to survive? Before you go thinking that those things are not worthy of your gratitude, consider the fact that there are millions – millions – of people in the world who live outside, cannot read or write, or who will die from malnutrition.
From that perspective, just being alive with a full belly and a roof over your head suddenly seems like a gift, doesn’t it?
T – Take Action
Assuming that you can see the wisdom of stopping on a daily basis to be grateful for the little things in life, now ask yourself what you can do to give back every day. This isn’t a matter of starting some altruistic foundation, of tithing 10% of your income, or even of constantly focusing on the needs of others.
You can keep it much simpler than all of that, yet still put forth an effort every day to give back. How many times have we all heard that “the little things” are what matter most – especially in relationships?
Every single day, do one thing that is completely selfless. Stand at the entrance to the grocery store holding the door for a full 30 seconds as you see that elderly person using a walker heading in your direction. Pick up your neighbor’s newspaper off of the sidewalk and take it up to their door. Give a knock just to hand it over and say “Hi’ before moving on with your day. Wash the dish that someone else left in the sink even thought it isn’t your responsibility.
The possibilities are obviously endless, but the point is that these type of acts will usually take less than 5 minutes of your life, but they will make you feel great! Yesterday at the grocery store I saw a lady juggling cans and she didn’t have a cart to put them in. I had a cart, but I didn’t have as many things as she did, so I took my stuff out of the cart and gave it to her. She was SO grateful, and I felt like a million bucks for having made the effort.
O – Organize
Sometimes the best times in our lives are completely “off the cuff” and we didn’t even know that we were going to be taking part in those activities. On the other hand, by making sure that you have time for those activities, you open up a slot for your life to pop something wonderful in there.
Every day, arrange your schedule and your responsibilities so that you have 30 or 60 minutes when you will have no responsibilities whatsoever. This is not exercise time, or time to run errands, or even a scheduled nap or meditation. This time is blank. Make no plans for it whatsoever. If you get to that point in your day and you don’t have anything better to do, then you can decide if you want to exercise, nap, run errands, etc.
The point is that no matter what you do with those 30 or 60 minutes, you send yourself the message that your life is about you. For at least 30 or 60 minutes you are going to do something that has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but yourself. Try it for a few days. Trust me, it is a freeing experience!
P – Participate
The final step in this process is participation, and this is meant as proactive participation in your life, not reactive. Almost all of us go through life with a huge pile of things that we feel we should do, but how many of those things are conscious efforts to actually participate in the process of life, rather than just going with the flow?
Regardless of what it may seem like from an outside point of view (job, family, spouse, etc.), your entire life is made up of things that you do because you want to do them. Not all things are as enjoyable as other things, but you are participating in the creative process of your life every single moment of every single day by the things that choose to do.
So ask yourself every day: “How can I proactively participate in the creation of my life today in a way that will make me feel good?”
Again, refer to the fact that most of the things that we do are reactive to our environment, and that environment is rarely there simply for our amusement, or to make us feel good. So what can you do today – and every day – that will make you feel good? After all, that is the goal, isn’t it?
In order to remember how to enjoy your life, simply S.T.O.P. Take personal responsibility for your own level of happiness every single day.
I really, really liked this article. Great writing, a simple formula, and a reminder to slow down and enjoy what you do have, not just anticipate more.
Thank you so much for the great feedback, Jason! I was struck with the inspiration to write something easy to remember, and S.T.O.P. is certainly appropriate given the subject in question! 🙂
Nice acronym — simple, yet profound (if followed!). I particularly like the intent behind the “time only for yourself” piece. Challenging, with two kids, but a really good idea.
I remember a Sufi teacher once saying that (for a married person) one-third of your time is for yourself, one-third for your spouse, and one-third for your kids. And he had seven sons! (no idea how he did it…)
Thanks for the link, too!
This is a great blog entry. STOP is a great mnemonic and the points are meaningful, as well as helpful
Adam,
Wow, that would be hard with 7 kids, but dividing up your time like that would certainly make sure that all of the people in your life were getting their fair share.
I appreciate the comment, and your piece on the “should do” things in our life is really good stuff.
Thanks for the great feedback, Tina, and for the comment as well! 🙂
Funny how you used the S.T.O.P. acronym 😉
We use it for Save Our Turtles Outreach Program 🙂
hey the article was good but i liked the ‘T’ part more than others 🙂
the article sounds wise and easy to follow …
but i dont think its as easy as it sounds …
i wanna STOP … i’ll try … hehe …
You make me recall that life is so simple . just be happy dun worry.
I wil try S.T.O.P in my future life. thanks for your ideas sharing.=)
Nice post.
This part caught my attention the most though:
Sometimes, there are people who don’t seem satisfied no matter how much they have. T_T
But then again the whole post is about self improvement so.. XD
Hey Aaron!
I LOVED this article. What a great acroymn. STOP!
The story about you unloading your grocery cart and giving it to someone else who needed it the most was really cool. This reminds me of when I was out on the parking lot of a supermarket and some lady was about to put her cart away (in that little thing where people stack up carts – what’s that called?). Anyway, one day I offered to put away this lady’s cart to which she appeared grateful. It felt GREAT!
Did you get my private email a few days ago? I am coming to Flordia for a speaking engagement next week (Oct 16th and 17th) and sent you a link to the hotel where I am staying. It’d be great if I could get to meet you in person for the first time!
Stephen
Two great quotes:
Ask for nothing – give thanks for everything!
We are not human beings in a spiritual world but spiritual beings in a human world.
Quite profound, I think.
GREAT post Aaron! STOP is what I need to do every day. I was great at it when I KNEW it was important for my physical healing. Now that I feel great physically I come up with a million reasons not to STOP and am the most deficient in blocking time for myself. I was on the “I’m making up for 6 years of lost time” mind frame for a while. But what better way to appreciate myself and give thanks for my healing is there than to block time for myself so I can enjoy it in whatever way I choose that day?! Thanks for the reminder,the acronym and the post! Gratefully, Jenny
Hi Aaron
Magnificent post. I really like the acronym STOP. It’s easy on the eyes, easy to remember & recall & it has some very useful & important information.
I especially like the Stop & Take Action part of S.T.O.P. I have to agree with you that many people take things for granted especially the basics that they already have, like a roof above their heads, clothes to wear & food to eat and do not actually to stop & ponder over them. We are actually very most fortunate if compared to people living in other parts of the world like Africa who do not even have sufficient water, let along food or clothings.
And just to add on to your Take Action part. On top of taking action, we can go one up & take effective actions so as to produce effective results to ourselves & the people around us.
Regards
Shafi’e
Thank you for your great article. I like the way you create STOP as acronym. I like the S part, because you must STOP first before you do TOP.
Love your page! It helped me heaps with my debate 🙂
Madeline,
I’m truly grateful to know that the site has been of assistance to you! C’mon back as often as you like! 🙂
I think the two of you did not pay the employees their salary the last few times. Have a good one.
Well the Christians Americans Russian Indians might have paid them in total then. That's true.
There is some problem with your basic upbringing, since i bring this up.
I think the two of you did not pay the employees their salary the last few times. Have a good one.
Well the Christians Americans Russian Indians might have paid them in total then. That's true.
There is some problem with your basic upbringing, since i bring this up.
i liked this post very much