The world in general will admonish you in many ways if you don’t care enough about things that other people deem to be important.
Our society is full of strong-willed individuals who have no problem whatsoever believing that everyone else should also see things their way, and then attempting to “re-educate” anyone who isn’t quite up to snuff.
- If you don’t take care of your health, there will always be someone there to give you a hard time about that.
- If you don’t spend enough time with your family or your friends, there will surely be someone who is quick to lay judgment on you.
- If you don’t have a steady job or a bright enough financial future, there will always be people who openly and/or discreetly look down their noses at you.
- If you fail to do enough for other people or for your community, someone will always be happy to attempt to lay a guilt trip on you for your lack of participation.
The simple truth of the matter is that you owe allegiance to no person or ideal other than yourself!
I was recently asked by two excellent bloggers to take part in writing projects that they are involved with, and I realized that this would be a great opportunity to “level the playing field” when it comes to people who are very interested in personal growth and development, and the people who couldn’t care less.
I was first tagged by Lola at Real World Spiritual and Personal Development to take part in the What gives you courage? project, and then a few days later I was also tagged by Alex at Practical Personal Development to put up an entry in his very cool Caring Compassion Charity project.
One project asked me to expound upon an experience that demonstrates what gives me courage, while the other project required me to tell whatever it is that I am seriously passionate about when it comes to helping or caring about others.
Here is where these 2 excellent projects come together in today’s life lesson:
I have the courage to admit in front of the millions of people who will read this post that my “life purpose” is not based on a passion for helping others.
Can you believe it?!?
- Can you get your head around the fact that the author of a very popular personal development blog is not fueled in life solely by the desire to do good in the world?
- Is it possible that someone who was a personal trainer for 3 years is not in it simply to help other people maintain their mental and physical fitness?
- Is it possible that the person who went to considerable time and expense to create the Personal Development Partners social networking community is not chomping at the bit to reshape the world into his own image of perfection?
It’s all true. My “mission” in life is not to help other people. My only mission in life is to enjoy my life and to expand the human consciousness via my experiences here.
That’s it. That’s all. No “higher meaning”. No “calling”. My only goal in life is to have fun and do my part to learn all that I can in the process, thereby expanding the knowledge of the universe as a whole.
- Do I enjoy helping people? Absolutely!
- Would I do it for free if I could still provide a good life for myself and the people that I care about? Yes!
- Do I often give up my own time and financial resources in order to help other people? Regularly.
- Have I put my own desires aside frequently in order to tend to what other’s want? All the time.
- Do I fully, 100% endorse giving in order to receive? Yes, and I do it daily.
- Will I ever stop helping other people? I seriously doubt it.
What does any of this have to do with what gives me courage? Being honest. That’s my answer. Doing or saying what other people expect of you is not courage. In fact, it’s closer to cowardice. Courage is telling it like it is, living your life out loud, and if other people don’t like it, well that’s just tough.
How does any of this relate to caring or compassion? Our ability to care for other people is a moot point and an impotent act if we don’t even know what it means to take care of ourselves. How can we give other people the tools and the knowledge for living a wonderful life if we ourselves have no life to give? How do I care and show compassion? I lead by example.
I’m not teaching people to make their lives into some completely selfless act so that they may someday reap the rewards of those years of not enjoying themselves. To the contrary. I am teaching people that if you want to help others, live your own life first, thereby showing the fact that life is about living.
To Lola and Alex: Thank you both for providing me with the idea generation that allowed this little life lesson to come into existence. Now that it is down on paper, I am stepping away from my desk. My life is out there waiting for me!
p.s. – Lyman, Ed, Debra, Rick, Steven, Wendy, John, Shauna, Peter, Jason – If you’ve got the time and the desire, consider yourselves officially tagged for both of these projects if you haven’t already taken part. If you don’t have the time or the desire, then lead by example by NOT taking part!
Aaron– nice article, honesty really is the most appealing trait! I feel the same as you…I also run a PD blog and I do it primarily because it is enjoyable to me. The fact that the advise may help other people is a wonderful benefit, and although it is certainly intended I wouldn’t write articles if I didn’t like to!
I love your honesty Aaron. Thanks for the tag – I’ll have a think about the topics and see if I have something meaningful to contribute on the topics.
Todd,
Thanks for the positive feedback and for the endorsement of being honest about why we do what we do.
After all these years, it turns out that “honesty is the best policy” is still a great basis for our lives! 🙂
Aaron,
Thanks for sharing that honesty with us!
I think if we were all to be more honest about taking care of ourselves and fulfilling our own desires, “selfish” as they may be, the world would end up a much better place as a result.
I can only pour forth if I am already full…
Wow, Aaron, you are one brave guy! This post takes guts – you might get some flak from the religious fanatics though…. (or is it just me who sees the similarity …)
Eep, I’m it! I’ve been tagged! Do either of these things have a time limit? I already have articles on the way for a little while, so they’d have to wait until at least the end of next week.
Oh, and I agree that it takes guts to go against the grain of society, but I don’t agree that it’s cowardice not to do so… if your “grain” happens to run the same direction as that of society. It takes real courage to be who you are no matter who you’re around… no personas.
One of the frequent search phrases that brings to people to Shards is ‘how to be selfish’.
The most honest response I know for “Why did you do that?” is “Because I wanted to.”
Excellent post, Aaron. I gave it a thumbs up.
Peter,
That’s awesome. If you want to play along, your insights are always welcome! 🙂
Marina,
Wow, that’s a great quote!
Thank you so much for your thoughts on honesty and for sharing that great quote. Let’s keep making the world a better place one honest moment at a time! 🙂
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Viv, and I’ll take my chances on the flak. If I never ruffled any feathers with my writing, I would at least be surprised, if not actually disappointed! 😉
Thank you so much for the thumbs up and the positive feedback, Rick.
It’s amazing how simply true it is that we are all doing things that we want to do – even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time!
Jason,
Nope, no time limits. Taking part in group writing projects is strictly voluntary, and should only be done if it fits into your posting schedule. Believe me, I’ve bowed out of more than I’ve taken part in.
As far as “going with the grain,” then as long as you are being honest with yourself about wanting to go with that grain, then it’s all good.
Cowardice doesn’t enter into it until people start going with the grain of society even though it isn’t what they truly want to do. That is a fear-based reaction that they will not have {BLANK} if they don’t play nice in the sandbox.
I would rather play in my own integrity-filled sandbox with no other kids than be dishonest just to play with everyone else. 🙂
Right, that’s what I was saying… it’s about being your true self, regardless of whether that goes with or against the grain of society.
Good… I have one article coming up on next Friday, and the other one the following Monday. I also don’t participate in everything I get tagged with, but those are easy topics 🙂
Bravo!
@Jason – Awesome! I’ll look forward to seeing what you come up with.
@Steve – Thanks for the props, Steve, and good to “see” you. It’s been too long!
Excellent post, as always. And for those of us who believe in the Protestant concept of a life “calling,” it is through our service to others that we, in fact, do succeed in helping ourselves.
Research shows that people who help others do tend to be happier as a result.
But Aaron, as you wisely suggest, there is a difference between living out a “calling” to help others, and living exclusively for the happiness of other people.
Keep up the great work, Aaron.
John,
Thank you so much for the positive feedback and for helping to expand the understanding of a difference between a “calling” and a life dedicated to nothing but that.
We can enjoy something – and even be passionate about it – without that thing being the sole driving force in our lives.
Thanks, John!
Some powerful ideas expressed here.
“Doing or saying what other people expect of you is not courage”
Well said.
Aaron;
It’s been amazing to watch you soar to higher and higher levels with your blog and everything else you’ve been doing. I’m glad I “knew you when.”
Anyway, today’s post really hit it home for me because lately I’ve been writing and reading about the value of being authentic. Authenticity, to me, is exactly what you’ve been describing – doing what you feel is right in your heart – not what others think you should be doing.
You are right on the money with this!
P.S. Did you get my email about me coming down to Fla next week for a speaking engagement? Been trying to reach you in hopes of meeting you in person.
Drupal,
Thanks for the props on my quote! 🙂
Stephen,
I’m glad that I “knew me when,” too! The contrast gives me cause for gratitude every single day! 🙂 Thank you so much for your thoughts, and I’m glad that you are writing on a similar level.
Yes, I did get your email, but I am WAY behind on email. Between this blog and the PDP site, email has fallen way down on the priority list.
I appreciate your messages, though, Stephen, and I apologize for being unavailable via email. It is unlikely that I’ll be in the area you are going to next week, but I will do my very best to actually respond to your email with those details!
Aaron:
I can understand what you mean about falling behind with emails. I’ve actually just started to experience that myself now that my blog is growing.
No problem about not being in the area when I’m down there next week. I do look forward to meeting you sometime though. I think it’s inevitable – don’t you think? LOL
Anyway, keep writing my friend. You’re AWESOME.
Stephen
Adversity University Professor (hey, that’s a cool title, huh? I think I’ll keep it)
That’s it, Aaron. I’m officially out loud in love with you. Good thing I have no idea where you live. No one better tell me, either.
It just simply doesn’t get any sexier than this.
Maybe you should tone it down or unsubscribe me. lol
Jeannette,
Well it’s about time you got all caught up. I’ve been in love with you for months! Don’t tell Russ!
All of that being said, thanks for the amazing positive feedback, not to mention the 100% original delivery. 🙂
p.s. – I’m not allowed to tell anyone where I live (Port Orange, FL) because someone might catch me out in public partying like a rock star and my personal development guru status would suddenly be compromised. I just can’t allow that to happen! ;)~
Aaron,
This is a great article on honesty! You are saying many things that resonate deeply with me.
Jenny,
Thank you for the props on the article, and I’m glad that you got so much out of it. It’s great to come across information that really brings up a genuine response, and I’m grateful that I was a part of that process for you. 🙂
Hi Aaron,
Thought I’d say hello and thank you for writing your thoughts on What Gives You Courage. I started that meme 3 weeks ago and have been trying to follow the thread of folks tagging. I’d thrilled so many are playing with it. I’ll try to keep up with where it going!
I too find it courageous to be honest and show up authentically. I believe that we all want to be loved and accepted for who we are. If we have the courage to be true to ourselves and open our hearts to be loving and compassionate, we invite others to do the same. That’s the kind of world I want to live in,
Have a terrific weekend Aaron!
Lorraine
Lorraine,
Thanks for the good weekend wishes, and you please do the same!
I’ve taken part in as well as started a few of these group writing projects myself, so I can attest to how much work goes into tracking them.
When all is said and done, however, the collective knowledge that is share is well worth the effort! Thanks for starting the conversation on such a great subject, Lorraine! 🙂
So true Aaron
It’s all about generating the conversations – like starting a wave that gains momentum inviting the voices of so many. I have been so touched by the thoughts shared by folks. Everyone’s intrepretation is so unique. People have been so willing to be honest and vulnerable.
WOW!
Thanks again for bringing your perspective Aaron.
Lorraine
talk about synchronicity – i so needed that confirmation that it is ok to look after yourself. as they say on a plane, ‘put your mask on first THEN help others with theirs’…..thank you for ‘keeping it real’ as they say. time for me to do the same!
Jen,
I’m truly grateful that you got so much out of this post. Great analogy about putting your own mask on first. Glad that you are out there taking keeping it real! 🙂
Great stuff, Aaron! I guess that’s why you get hit on by the cute Law of Attraction Coaches! 🙂
I’ve been tagged for both of these memes, and they’ve been sitting in my drafts along with quite a few others for a while now. The oldest one is from Terry Starbucker… still in there since June, just waiting for inspiration to strike. 🙂
And the next time I feel guilty about them sitting there, I’ll remember this post!
Lyman,
Ah yes, memes helping other bloggers deal with meme guilt! Glad I could help out in that regard! 😉
As to the cute Law of Attraction coaches, what can I say…?
I attracted her!
(HAHAHAHA! You had to know that was coming!)
LMAO, Aaron! You’re right, I should have seen it coming!
Aha! So I can release any guilt I had about flirting with Aaron, because this was all HIS doing!!
Off the hook – yay! lol
(I wonder if my boyfriend will buy it …)
By the way, my response on one of these memes comes out today:
Courage In A Moment, Courage In A Lifetime
Jeannette,
Maybe we should collaborate on a new Who Moved my Cheese? book, only call it Whose Fault is this Relationship, Anyway???
😉
Yes, there is obviously a reason that I don’t work in the literary profession!
Jason,
GREAT post! Full of simple honesty and, well, courage! Good stuff!
Thanks, Aaron.
Which is exactly why I would partner with you in a heartbeat! lol Let me know when you’re serious, seriously! 🙂