Is your quest for personal development fueled by the desire to attain some specific goal, or are you merely on a quest to “better” yourself?
Most people have something very specific that they are striving for as they walk down the path of personal development, even if an overall betterment of themselves is a welcome side effect to the process. I submit to you that despite the often discussed value of specific goal setting, that it is the general betterment of ourselves that is actually the hidden driving force in our personal development efforts.
Photo Credit: lusiYes, there tends to be a specific end result that we are after, yet by allowing the goal itself to be the motivating factor, we put an implied limit on who we are, and what we can accomplish in life. Are we to allow ourselves to be defined by the accomplishment of a measurable task, even if that task is huge in its scope and its potential influence on ourselves, or even the world at large? Or, would we be better off to dig deeper; to find our own personal buried treasure, with the attainment of our goals being merely one of the results of our efforts?
The Million Dollar Mindset program talks a lot about how our personal growth is the true desire that is being expressed when we chase after things like financial success, career advancement, fulfilling relationships, etc. After all, once we’ve obtained all of those things, what is next? Would we then just sit back, smug and satisfied in our success, and give up trying to do anything else with our lives?
Hardly. Rather, it is an integral part of the very human spirit to expand beyond our present capabilities, and to constantly be reaching towards the next step in our individual evolution, as well as the growth of our race as a whole.
In order to do that, however, we must dig deep within ourselves, and we must do the very things that are the most difficult for us personally. After all, if Harmonic Wealth® – the successful attainment of wealth in all areas of our lives – was easy to attain, wouldn’t everyone already have done that?
Here is a 3-step process for finding your own buried treasure; your own seeds of Greatness!
1) Don’t listen to other People
Give up the notion that any other person on the planet knows what is best for you, or what you are capable of. You are the only person who has ever known – or ever WILL know – your life as intimately as you do.
Yes, there are people who can help you, advise you, and mentor you. Yes, there are other people who you can look up to, seek counsel from, and even emulate. Yes, there are other people who will be a part of your success, or perhaps even partner with you.
However, in the end, there is not another soul alive who can predict what you are capable of. By listening to other people’s beliefs about what you can do, you will be denying the very truth of your own limitless ability to have, do, or be anything that you desire.
We are unlimited beings!
– Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith
2) Look to the Past
Although I personally hold the Tony Robbins inspired belief that there is no such thing as failure (we always succeed in attaining a RESULT, as Tony says), I also know that all people have points in their lives when the result they obtained wasn’t exactly what they had planned for.
Those are simply areas of your life where you have not yet unearthed your treasure!
- If financial independence is one of your goals, but you have not yet attained it, then there is plenty of growth potential left in that area of your life.
- If you have yet to find the fulfilling and joyous relationship that you have dreamed of, then there is plenty of room for growth there as well, and plenty of happiness to be had, too!
- If you have tried many times to find your “place” in the world, or your “calling,” yet you are still struggling in a career that doesn’t bring you joy, then that is obviously an area where can still allow your true gems to shine their magic.
Find areas of your life where you have sought success in the past, yet not been 100% successful, and you will also have found areas of your life where your hidden treasure is still waiting to be brought to the surface!
3) Ignore your Inner Demons
As you now consider striving for success in any given endeavor, you will probably have some unwanted company along the way in the form of self-limiting beliefs.
Self-limiting beliefs are conscious as well as subconscious feelings that cause us to lose confidence in our ability to attain whatever it is that we desire. These self-limiting beliefs are especially strong if we have tried to accomplish something in the past, yet were unable to attain the level of success that we had hoped for.
The more times that we try to do something, but then don’t manage to do it, the stronger our self-limiting beliefs become. In fact, many people have self-limiting beliefs that are so strong that they will eventually give up trying altogether.
However, like all beliefs, our inner demons are completely of our own creation. They have no tangible presence in the world, and they can be permanently vanquished by the simple act of consistently believing the opposite of whatever the self-limiting beliefs are trying to tell us.
Consistency is the key here, however. Making a “stand” against your self-limiting beliefs is almost a complete waste of time. Most self-limiting beliefs have been ingrained in our conscious and subconscious minds for a very long time, so undoing them will take more than just a fleeting effort.
Affirmations and visualization are both extremely powerful allies in your quest to vanquish your inner demons. Use them often, and use them with feeling. Before long, you’ll wonder how you ever believed in anything other than success!
Does all of this mean that you shouldn’t set timed, and measurable goals for yourself? Of course not.
However, the next time you fantasize about that dream car, that perfect relationship, that big promotion, or that financial success, take the time to ask yourself:
Do I really want all of that stuff, or is it that I want to be the type of person who can have those things?
The answer might surprise you!
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Things are fine, but just having the freedom to have those things is what I want. However, to get to that stage, a lot of growth is needed.
Same here, Adam!
Yes, I do want the “stuff” that I am working towards, yet the freedom of being able to have those things is the wonderful and rich reward that comes from growing into that type of person. It’s a total win/win situation! 🙂
Aaron,
If this doesn’t make digg, I’m going to take up smoking again. No No No Just kidding.
I especially like what you say about inner demons. They are a catch 22. If you keep doing a thing and failing we are programming our subconscious for failure and that is where our inner demons come from. But past performance is not indicative of future results, that is why we need to keep trying. It took me over 10 attempts to finally quit smoking. Each failure taught me a lesson. But there was always the little devil on my should who would say, “you failed last time, you’ll never do it, why bother” and that voice came from my subconscious which is feeding me my past failure. But that is why it so important to ignore negative mental talk. Force positive thought into your head, even if you don’t believe them yet, if you do, you’ll persist and eventually succeed. Since failure is almost required to succeed, ingnoring your inner demons is required as well.
Steve,
Definitely no need for you to take up smoking again, but thank you so much for that ringing endorsement!
As you said, those past less-than successful attempts to do something can work both for us, and against us. It boils down to remembering the lessons that we learned, but not allowing them to color our future endeavors.
Thank you so much for sharing your personal story with us, Steve. It really adds to the value of this post to hear how these concepts have applied to people’s lives.
Thanks again!
The Tony Robbins belief is actually one of the presuppositions of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), of which Tony is a very very early adopter.
The presupposition, as defined by Richard Bandler, is: Feedback vs. Failure – All results and behaviors are achievements, whether they are desired outcomes for a given task/context, or not. And it’s a beauty 🙂 It place the responsibility for everything we create right on our own hands.
But NLP also leads me to disagree with you on ignoring the inner demons. Another presupposition is: There is a positive intention motivating every behavior, and a context in which every behavior has value. So there is a positive intention to the behavior that the inner demon is showing.
When you ignore the inner demon, and you do not satisfy the positive intention it’s trying to achieve, it will only scream louder. So to effectively vanquish the demon, you should embrace it first and find out what it is trying to achieve for you.
I’ll take Steve’s smoking as an example. The positive intention of smoking can be:
– having several micro breaks a day
– a feeling of belonging to a group
– relaxation
– … (you fill it in)
If you ignore those benefits, the inner demon will roar it’s head viciously. But as soon as you find new behavior that incorporates the benefits of the old behavior, without the negatives, only then will you succeed in my opinion.
So to really vanquish the demon, you should embrace it first and find out what it is that it’s trying to do for you. Once you find that out, you can thank it for doing that for you, and find new behavior 🙂
Now I’ll step of my NLP soapbox…
A lot of us tend to listen too much to what other people are saying and less to our own voices. And I’m not talking about those inner demons that drag us down but the voices that give inspiration and hope. Sometimes, we can surprise ourselves with what we can do. So don’t let other people discourage you. Listen to yourself.
Lodewijk,
Thank you SO much for sharing that interesting take on this article from the NLP perspective.
I would definitely classify this as one of those “semantic” point of view situations, because on one hand, I totally agree with you, and somewhat expressed that in this post. Our desire to do something is our desire to grow, but on that same token, our desire to NOT do something (not be broke, not smoke, etc.), can also be a desire to grow, even if all we are trying to grow is confidence in our own will power.
So, when it comes to either ignoring the inner demons, or embracing their message, I would say that we need to first do one, then the other:
1) Embrace the inner demon and make a conscious effort to ask what we are supposed to be learning from that screamin’ demon (sorry, couldn’t resist!).
2) THEN ignore it. A demon that is screaming for us to do things that we don’t want to do is often one that has been growing for years, but now that we have grown consciously over the years, the “old” demon is no longer relevant to our lives.
Like I said, semantics, but still good food for thought either way. Thanks a bunch for adding to the conversation, Lodewijk! 🙂
That’s exactly right, Jen!
Even as Lodewijk and I have discussed the amount of listening to the inner demons that we should allow ourselves to do, the flip side of that is that we should always listen to empowering and inspiring thoughts and feelings that come from our inner beings (heart, soul, whatever you want to call it).
Each of us is the person who knows best what we need, and when it “feels” right to us, that’s because it IS!
Thanks, Jen!
I totally agree that our desire NOT to do something is a desire to grow as well. In NLP we would start by rephrasing that goal into a positive formulated one, but I don’t have to elaborate on that aspect on the blog of Mr. Law of Attraction 😉
If you find new behavior or a new strategy that will satisfy both the needs of you and your inner demon (the positive needs), you will find that it won’t bother you that much anymore.
I think that we most often listen to everyone else except ourselves. We are all so worried about what other people are going to think of us if you have a new or different idea. If it wasn’t for new or different ideas where would we be?
You have to find the passion in your life to reach your potential. We should be looking at the glass being half full instead of half empty. Stay positive.
Ignore the demons and create your own destiny. You would be surprised what you just might come up with. Listen to yourself and do what is right for you.
Kyle,
Thanks for your comment, and especially for this great quote:
That’s quality stuff right there. Let’s all keep those new and different ideas coming. As you indicate in your comment, Kyle, where would we be without that?