A Self Improvement Checkpoint: Are you Reacting or Responding?

Whenever something happens in your life that knocks you flat on your back, you have exactly 2 choices when it comes to dealing with that situation:

You can Respond, or you can React

A reaction is instinctive and often instantaneous. As human beings, we tend to react while giving little or no thought to the actual circumstances.

Responding, on the other hand, involves an actual assessment of the situation so that you can make an informed decision about how best to proceed, based on the particular circumstances that you are faced with.

I'm sure you can see that responding to a situation versus reacting to it will net you a better end result most of the time. Why is it, then, that we almost never do that?

As we go through our lives there are certainly major situations that arise whenever we know that we should put some thought into how best to proceed, such as whether or not to get married, whether or not to accept a new job, move to a different town, etc. However, what about the smaller circumstances that require us to either respond or react?

Every day we are faced with decision after decision after decision. Most of them are so minor that we barely even think about them.

• If a street light turns yellow, we make an instant decision to either stop, or speed up to make it through before the light turns red.
• If we drop a glass of water on the floor, we make an instant decision that we need to clean up the glass and the water before someone gets hurt.
• When someone says "Have a nice day" we will normally respond in kind without even thinking about whether or not we truly care if that person has a nice day. That's not a response – it's just an ingrained reaction to a situation that we've been in hundreds of times before.

Now, given examples such as these, most of the time it isn't that critical that we actual formulate a response to those situations. Our instinctive or culturally-programmed reactions will normally serve us just fine.

However, there are plenty of other situations in life when a response is going to net us a far more positive end result than a simple reaction. For example:

• If you get into a car accident, even if no one is injured, you will still have the opportunity to get very upset or shaken because the accident happened at all. That is a reaction.
• If you get into a fight with your spouse or significant other, you will have the chance to get highly agitated about the situation, and possibly even enraged. That is a reaction.
• Whenever a co-worker makes a mistake that causes you undue hardship or lost time, an opportunity will be presented for you to yell at that person or to get angry at them. That is a reaction.

In each and every one of the examples that was just given, do you honestly believe that there is any real benefit to you or anyone else involved if you have a negative reaction to those situations?

• In the car accident, what purpose will be served by getting into an argument with the other driver, or in falling apart emotionally so that you cannot deal with the accident in a mature and controlled manner?
• During the fight with your spouse, are either one of you going to get any benefit from the fact that you are raising your voice, or losing control over your ability to think clearly and rationally?
• At your place of business, will any long-term, positive end result come from you chastising someone else who makes a mistake – whether it is an honest mistake or not?

In every single one of those situations, you have the choice to react to the situation, which will usually bring about further negative circumstances, or to respond to the situation, which will normally lead to a well thought out resolution.

Here is a quick exercise you can do:

Think back to the last 24 or 48 hours and see how many times you reacted instinctively to a situation, rather than formulating a response.

Now, compare how much better that situation would have been if you had taken even 5 or 10 seconds to formulate an appropriate response, rather than just reacting.

It happens all the time, doesn't it?

That is because it is easier to react than to respond, and it is what we have programmed ourselves to do. Like any other habit, if you want to reprogram yourself to act differently in the future, you are going to have to make a consistent and conscious effort to do so.

Like so many other things that you read about on this blog, the knowledge that you glean is useless if you don't consistently put it into action in your life.

If you want to start creating a better life for yourself, then start taking an active role by putting away your reactions, and learning how to respond instead!

This post was inspired by this video which was put together by Today is that Day sponsor The Success Training Network.

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