Blaming your lack of blissful happiness on anyone but yourself is a crutch – period.
This habit that human beings have of allowing people or circumstances to dictate the level of happiness in their lives boils down to nothing more noble than sheer laziness.
We always want to look at every situation like we did everything 100% perfectly, and if the situation did not turn out 100% perfectly, there most certainly must be someone else to blame for that.
It is certainly easier to find a flaw in another person or in the details of any given event than to admit the fact that we ourselves could have probably worked harder in order to manifest a more positive outcome to that event.
Believers in conscious creation, the Law of Attraction, and even Ho’oponopono will have no problem admitting that anything that has happened in their lives is there as a direct result of the things that transpired prior to that event.
However, you don’t have to believe in or understand concepts such as those in order to admit that YOU are responsible for whether or not you are happy with your life. Here are some examples:
Blame: I can’t get a good job because the economy is bad
Truth: No, you can’t get a good job because you have not applied yourself enough. Maybe you need more education, maybe you need to work harder at the actual job search process, or maybe you just need to improve your self-confidence and attitude about the entire project. If your life depended on it, I bet you would find a way to get a good job.
Blame: I can’t lose weight because I have poor metabolism and I don’t have time to exercise and eat right.
Truth: Although genetics do play a role in the overall health of people, there is no genetic condition – including metabolic rate – that cannot be modified, and normally it can be done fairly easily.
As far as not having enough time, that it total crap. Every person who has ever lived has had 24 hours in their day. If they could do it, you can do it.
Blame: My spouse or significant other is completely unreasonable and is causing chaos in our home.
Truth: Your spouse or significant other could be a cold-blooded killer, but unless there is an actual danger to you or your children, you CHOOSE to allow that person to affect your life in a negative way.
Either step up to the plate and do what it takes to be happy with your situation, or leave the situation. And no, I don’t want to hear “It’s not that easy.” Yes, it is.
I am going to stop with the Blame/Truth scenarios now, because if you are reading this with an open mind and an ear towards the truth, you have already absorbed and internalized this message.
However, on the other hand, if you are the “victim” in every scenario of life that you are finding less than perfect, no matter how many examples I give, you are still going to answer with the thought, “Yes, but…”
No buts. If you don’t like an aspect of your life, then change it.
Will it be hard? Probably. Will it cause chaos in your life? Maybe. Will it cause you to make some hard choices, face some hard realities, and let go of some of the security that you have had in your life up to this point? Very likely.
Or, you could just do nothing and stay unhappy with your circumstances. After all, it is fast, easy, and sometimes even rewarding to point the finger at everyone else as being the cause for YOUR unhappiness.
If it’s everyone else’s fault, then by default, YOU must be perfect, right?
Great points. We are so often limited by our beliefs about our situation that there’s no way we can find solutions. Until we take responsiblity for our life/career/relationship/etc, we can’t do anything about it.
Dawud,
You nailed it with the phrase “limited by our beliefs”.
I have an entire category on this blog for posts that talk about self-limiting beliefs because I feel that they are the root of so many of the “problems” that people think that they have.
Thanks a bunch for your thoughts!
I would be remiss not to mention Wayne Dyer’s book “There is a Spiritual Solution for Every Problem”, after reading this post.
The book changed my life, and gave me the courage and wisdom to go into business for myself. And I know it can certainly help others, regardless of their “problems”.
Aaron and Duwad talk of limited beliefs, and they are so right.
Reading the book changed my core belief system and gave me the wisdom to give myself permission to follow my own path and dreams.
I just wrote a blog post about blame myself – I love this kind of synchronicity!
Our society puts so much emphasis on placing blame, whether it’s on others, or on yourself. Pointing the finger, no matter which direction that finger is pointed, is rather pointless given the law of attraction.
It’s exactly as you pointed out – we ALWAYS have a choice. We may not be able to change our situations or conditions, but we can always choose how we’re feeling, and how we’re going to allow others to have an impact on our lives.
Blame and criticism/judgment – once we accept that these two big “societal triggers” are really irrelevant in an attraction-based world, it really does open up such enormous potential!
Sure. All of us who grew up in the States have this mentality – at least to some degree – that what ‘happens’ to us is the fault of someone else. It’s ingrained and then constantly reinforced. Of course, that means we have no real control over our lives. Worse, it means we have no responibility for our lives. And if we have no responsibility – we can’t do anything to change our life.
Hi Aaron,
This is a brilliant post and it makes such excellent points about the fact that so many people play the blame game never talking responsibilty for their lives, it’s always someone elses fault.
We create every situation both good and bad and until we accept responsibilty and change things we cannot truly play creator and live the life of our dreams.
Scott,
I was just talking the other day about how words – whether in the form of a book, a blog, a lecture, a phone call, a video, or in person – are the basis of every successful change in our thoughts and actions.
I had not heard of ‘There is a Spiritual Solution for Every Problem’ before your post, so I ran over to Amazon and added it to my wish list. Thanks for the heads up on where I can find some more great words!
Belle,
Being an LOA user myself (who isn’t, right?) I could not agree more with what you said.
In a perfect universe, it is not possible for one person to believe it is okay for them to shove blame onto someone else without also admitting that someone can shove blame on THEM!
Accepting responsibility is the key. Thanks for your great thoughts!
“…if we have no responsibility – we can’t do anything to change our life…”
THAT is a solid truth right there, Dawud! You are so right, because if we want to say that we can be the victim, we also have to admit that we can be victimized totally at random because we have no control.
I’ll take the responsibility and leave the victimization behind, thank you very much! 🙂
Ophelia,
I know that you are definitely someone who believes in our ability to be creators, and responsibility is the key to that. And as you said, you have to accept responsibility for the good as well as the bad.
Thanks for stopping by and adding to the discussion. Always nice to see you ’round these parts!
;)