Fear is keeping us from living our lives to the fullest, and in most cases, it is keeping us from achieving anything even close to what we are capable of.
Fear is elusive, however, and is often disguised as something a bit less debilitating, which is why it is not always seen as the true culprit behind so many of our shortcomings.
I am not talking about fear as in being afraid for your life itself,but rather fear that any given situation is not going to turn out the way that we want it to.
Whenever we get into an argument with our spouse or other family member, it is because we are afraid that the situation is not going to be resolved the way we feel that it should be.
- Maybe we are afraid that the other person will not see our point of view, and will then make the wrong choices because they were unable to understand what we were saying.
- Maybe we are afraid that the person will not see us as a valuable and needed part of their lives, and will then leave us behind.
- Maybe we are afraid that we will hurt their feelings or damage their ability to get through life, so we tip-toe around our true beliefs and desires in order to better serve their needs.
Let’s look at another example – our careers.
- Many people go to college or some sort of vocational school because they are afraid that without “formal” education, they will not be able to get a good job.
- When someone is already working for a particular employer, they are sometimes not 100% satisfied with their job or that employer, but they stay there anyway because they are afraid that they will not be able to find a better job that pays the same, or that has the same benefits as their present job.
- We often put up with behavior or negative attitudes from our co-workers because we fear that “rocking the boat” at work will cause us to get fired, lose the respect of our co-workers, or that no one will like us.
What about health and fitness? Is that driven by fear as well?
- People get involved in fitness programs every day because they get bad news from their doctor, and they become afraid that their actual life expectancy will be limited if they do not start exercising and eating right.
- People start trying to lose weight because they become afraid that they will not be able to find an attractive and successful companion unless they look like one of the actors or models that are all over television, movies, and magazines.
- Weight loss programs are started all the time by people who are about to attend a family or class reunion because they are afraid they will be looked down upon by their family members or old classmates unless they appear to be fit, confident, and in control of their lives.
These examples could go on and on and on to encompass every single aspect of the human existence here on planet earth. However, you do not need to read endless examples to see the affect that fear has on your own life every single day.
Simply start examining any given situation that you are feeling anxious or nervous about, and ask yourself what it is that you are afraid of in that situation.
You will find across the board that there is always a resounding reason why you feel anxious about everything from where to find a parking space to whether or not to accept a marriage proposal, or a job offer.
Your fear that something bad will happen if you make the wrong decision is what is driving the thought process for pretty much every decision that you ever make.
Do you really think it is a very good idea to make every decision that you make in your life based on a negative emotion such as fear?
The answer, of course, is No, and you can start eliminating fear from your life right now. All you have to do is realize the simple fact that whatever it is that you are afraid of is going to happen anyway, whether you are afraid of it or not.
In fact, believers in concepts such as the Law of Attraction will recognize that by expressing fear about something, you will only serve to cause the thing that you are afraid of to actually happen.
However, whether or not you believe in your ability to consciously create your life, it is a rock-solid fact that if you express fear about something, no good will come about as a result of that.
Should you respect things that could potentially cause negative circumstances to manifest in your life? Absolutely.
Should you prepare for things in order to minimize the chance that you will not be happy with the results of any given situation? Sure.
However, being afraid that life in general is not going to go your way will only serve to make you ACT from a position of fear. That will very often have implications for your life that are at least as negative as – if not more so – than what would have happened if you had never expressed that fear in the first place.
Remember the following very wise quote:
“Anything that doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.”
Unless you are in a situation where your life is in actual danger, always ask yourself if being afraid at that moment is even worth it.
Aaron:
It’s so true that many people make decisions, set goals and take actions based on fear, instead of their true intention & core values. I love that you’re bringing awareness to this issue.
Warmly,
Hueina
Hueina,
Thank you so much for your input! I have found that a lot of personal development work is based on the fact that people just need to be shown how the way that they are presently handling any given situation could be improved in order to handle that situation in a better manner.
It is my intention for this blog to be a tool for doing exactly that!
:)What a fantastic article Aaron! Fear is truly the illusion that stops us from our true potential.
I find that fear can be destructive, but it can also be one of your most powerful driving forces. In other words, it is not being fearful that is the issue, it is our reaction to that fear that is the problem!
One thing Tony Robbins teaches emphatically is that the quality of one’s life is in direct proportion to the level of UNCERTAINTY that one is willing to live with. UNCERTAINTY and FEAR are close cousins. One technique I’ve used to neutralize fear’s ill effects is to write out all the times that I have approached an uncertain situation, pushed through, and come out on the other side not only unscathed, but MUCH BETTER OFF for having tried!
I find that having written down this list, I am able to have greater confidence in my own abilities, and apply them to future UNCERTAIN (and often fearful) situations.
You are so right, Shama! I have started asking myself what the reason is for fear in any situation that causes me anything less than a positive reaction, and by identifying that fear, I have also been able to dismiss it easily.
Glad you liked the post, Shama!
Ravi,
That is a great idea about writing down your past successes when you have faced down fear!
Each instance of doing so boosts your self-confidence and your belief that fear has no actual power, and by writing it all down, you solidify those thoughts in your head even more.
Great stuff – thanks for sharing!
Great Post Aaron! My husband always says that FEAR is FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL!
And he is right. Fear holds us back and keeps us down and many of the things that we fear and worry about don’t ever even happen! Unless of course we attract it to ourselves by virtue or our thoughts about it! LOL
Worry and fear are useless emotions. Take council from your emotional guidance system but don’t let fear hold you back!
Karen,
Your husband is a wise man! I’ve never heard that acronym before, but I love it – False Evidence Appearing Real. That’s a great concept to keep in mind when anxiety starts creeping around.
I also love what you said about taking council from your emotional guidance system – that’s a good way to describe the relationships that you should have with the EGS.
You’re just full of great wisdom today, aren’t you? Thanks, Karen!
:)Yes, He is wise and he is wonderful. I am the lucky one!
Darn, I didn’t realize fear makes us do so many things. I would have never associated going to the gym as a result of fear. Certainly I wanted to get back into shape, but when I think about it more after reading this article – it made sense.
If I was to only realize other parts of my life that’s currently being driven by fear, positive changes can start occurring right?
Billy,
Absolutely! Whenever you think about it, fear drives a very large portion of the things that we do, so by making that realization, you can become empowered to tackle improvements in every area of your life.
I tend to write about things that I have either directly experienced or that resonate with me as something that is valuable, and this post is a perfect example of that.
I usually keep up a positive demeanor, but on the rare occasion that I find myself not being as cheerful about any given situation as I normally would be, I ask myself what it is that I’m afraid might happen, and it brings me right back to reality.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Billy!
My fear of failure kept me back from doing a lot of things and I am still struggling with this. It is a fear that makes me anxious and I get so stressed sometimes that I feel it is impossible to <a
href=”https://avoidpanicattacks.org/natural-anxiety-relief”>avoid panic attacks. I will try to use your good strategies from here and will fight back to my fears.