Do you believe the habits which power our lives are just a matter of going with the “ebb and flow” of our lifestyle, or do think those habits create that lifestyle?
I’m a die hard conscious creator myself, so I believe that regardless of the circumstances, each of us has the power to create the ebb and flow of our lives, rather than just reacting to it, as so many people are wont to do. (Yes, I looked it up!)
So it is that when Jenny & Erin approached me to take part in their quest for understanding, I was all over it. Their basic questions: “How big of a role do habits play in your daily life? Do your habits typically form intentionally or unconsciously? What approaches have you found successful in shaping them?”
I believe that habits are the very foundation of the lives that we live, because without consistently applying the same concepts to our lives over and over again, we have no “control group” to determine if the things that we are doing are successful or not.
Imagine sitting down with a recipe to bake a cake, and each time you made the cake, you changed the recipe. Now, although every iteration of your cake might still be good, each rendition would certainly be different, and your life is the same way.
- If your recipe for success when it comes to health and fitness includes exercising every day, and you see results from doing that, then you have a daily exercise habit, and all is well.However, if you only exercised 3 days per week instead of 7, that would still be good, but it wouldn’t be nearly as effective, and a 3 day p/week habit is a lot easier to break than a 7 day p/week habit. If you aim for 7 days and you only get 5, you’re still in good shape (literally). However, if you aim for 3 days and only get 1 or 2, then those ding dongs might start showing up on your thighs instead of getting cooked off on the treadmill.
- If your recipe for success when it comes to relationships includes some great habits such as compassion, understanding, patience, commitment, loyalty, and dedication, then you are probably on the right track, and those qualities end up becoming second nature as you use them over and over again.However, if you don’t develop the habit of continually using the traits that equal relationship success, then how will you know what to fix if something gets broken – or what to continue doing if things are going well? It is only by habitually doing (or not doing) certain things in a relationship that we learn what works and what doesn’t. Oh, and by heeding Dan & Jennifer’s advice!
- If your recipe for financial abundance includes things such as learning how to curb unnecessary spending, living frugally, and making sound monetary decisions, then you’ve picked up some great habits.However, if your financial accomplishments are due to something temporary such as winning money, receiving an inheritance, or even winning a lawsuit, then without having picked up good financial habits, you’ll be right back to living paycheck to paycheck as soon as your financial windfall has been exhausted.
Obviously, the above examples are just used to give you an idea of what I am talking about, but they should be enough to drive the message home:
Successful people have successful habits
Are you wanting to be a successful person, or do you just want to roll the dice and see what happens?
Aaron, I love the term “die hard conscious creator”! In fact, that would make a great title on a business card! ha
Okay, so I’m thinking one of the most powerful habits we adopt is in regards to our habitual thoughts. Even more powerful than our actions, if you ask me.
Because if I ate my ding dong with the thought of “I shouldn’t do this” versus eating my ding dong with the thought of “this is SOO much fun!” then I have completely different energy flowing in the same action, right?
(My ex had twinkies on his counter the other day. I laughed out loud to even SEE them! They still make those?! Aren’t they outlawed by now?? So I had one. And I laughed the ENTIRE time! “I’m eating a twinkie!” So sinful! And I loved it. Made me feel like a kid again. No worries – just pure pleasure. I rarely get to that energy with my food, if you know what I mean.
So then I was at the junk food store (regular grocery store) with my boyfriend, when I was inspired to see if they still sold Ding Dongs. They do!! I took home six. Loved every one. Might not do it again. Might.
I’ve gotten off track now. lol My point was that our habit of thought is potentially even more powerful than our actions, and I’ll refrain from giving a financial example because this comment is long enough now.
Nice post!! Thanks for the chance to remember by twinkie and ding dong love!
I’m going to have to disagree with you on the relationship aspect. You can’t learn what works and doesn’t if it IS habit. A habit is where you have repeated an action often enough that repeating it again switches from your conscious mind to your subconscious. That means that as you repeat your actions, conforming to your habit, you are LESS consciously aware of it, making it far more difficult to determine what works and what doesn’t.
I would go so far as to say that when something becomes a habit in a relationship it loses much of its power and relevance. It’s when you are aware of what you are doing, and watching the effects, that you can learn what has positive effects and what has negative effects.
Habit is also all about repeating, and one of the most effective ways to build and maintain a relationship is making sure that your relationship does NOT become too routine. You need to keep the relationship always in both people’s conscious minds… not in the realm of habit where they can become acclimated to it.
Jeannette,
I don’t know if I was more inspired to continue this conversation by your comment, or amused by your ding dong and twinkie stories! ;)~
I do agree with you 100%, though – our thought habits are more powerful than our action habits. For one, thought habits will always determine our action habits, so they trump action every time. For two, as you indicated, it is all about the energy flow when we are doing something, rather than the thing itself.
I remember having the epiphany one day that by simply releasing my negative attachment to something that I considered “less than wholesome,” I also released its power over me.
It wasn’t long after that before I started wearing a pin on my shirt that said, and I quote:
Ah, mental freedom! ;)~
Jason,
Wow – great take on this concept! The habits that we use in a relationship certainly can become so routine that not only do we lose track of the fact that we are doing them, but they start to lose their effectiveness as well.
I think I was referring more to the high level habits rather than the specifics acts. For example, always doing things for your significant other is certainly a habit that will keep you in his or her good graces. However, the individual thing that you do could range anywhere from taking out the garbage to spending time with the mother-in-law.
The upper level habit of doing things for the S/O needs to stay in place, but if you always take out the garbage and spend time with the mother-in-law, then it loses its effectiveness.
Great distinction, Jason!
I think you misunderstood what I said. Even having a high level “habit” of doing things for your SO is not the best idea (I’m not saying it is a BAD thing, just that it could be better)… it’s much better if it’s NOT a habit, if you’re consciously aware and choosing it. And being consciously aware and choosing it, even if you do it a lot, is pretty much the dictionary definition of the opposite of a habit.
I can see where the confusion lies, then! For me, I make a conscious and aware decision every time I do something, even if it is a habit.
I have the habit of working out on a frequent basis, but I have to consciously step away from the keyboard and go to the gym with the proper state of mind if I am going to get the most out of that workout.
I have the habit of having a very positive attitude, but whenever I am around people who don’t share that trait, I have to consciously form my thoughts, feelings, and actions in order to maintain my positive “shield”.
I have the habit of rolling out of bed and getting online first thing in the morning, but I still consciously think about how long I’ve been online, what other things I need to get done that day, when I need to get away from the computer (as in the aforementioned trip to the gym), etc.
So, I guess what I’m saying is that even if something is a habit, we should still keep our awareness up of the fact that we are doing it.
Compare that to say, the habit of biting one’s fingernails, which is often done without even realizing it, and now we are talking about 2 different concepts.
I guess the line of demarcation comes in whether or not the definition of a habit is something that is done consciously or without giving it much thought.
Personally, I don’t do much of anything without giving it conscious thought, but maybe that’s just me! 🙂
Then to me, that means that you do very little out of habit.
I wouldn’t agree with that, but again, I think it boils down to the definition of a habit, and everyone can use the definition that best fits their situation.
To me, if you are consistently doing (or NOT doing) something, then whether you call it a “habit” or not, you will still see the positive or negative results of your consistent actions.
And that was the whole reason for this post – to remind people that their consistent actions and inactions will drive their success, or lack therof. If those actions and inactions are called “habits” or not, the results will still be the same.
“…or do you believe that habits create that lifestyle?”
Hmmm. Nice question here! Very thoughtful post on the topic of habits.
Thank you so much for entering Erin and my contest.
Nice information. I’ve found in the past that habits sometimes aren’t as hard to form as I anticipated. And some things, like exercise, I really grew to enjoy once they became a habit.
Steven,
Thanks for adding to the conversation!
I agree that a habit is not always the major ordeal that we think it is going to be. I think it boils down to managing our expectations.
If, for example, someone were to say that you needed to started getting up at 5:00am every day to exercise, at first you would probably resist that idea. However, after doing it for awhile, you would be physically and mentally prepared for it, you would start excelling at it, and you would even start to look forward to it!
Looking forward to exercising at 5:00am is a far cry from the initial shock of considering such an early morning routine, but by managing our own expectations, we can get used to a lot of things that might otherwise seem very extreme.